I was reading a recent Inc Magazine article and they interviewed multiple entrepreneurs such as Reddit, IPSY, SLACK and Shark Tank about how they spend their day.

I thought, what a great idea! I will share a day in the life of a business owner…me.

9:00 p.m.
Go to bed. Sit in bed and check social networks then open WordBrain to remind myself how stupid words are and then send last minute emails to drive my staff insane. I then set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. to get up early to workout.

10:30 p.m. – 6:00 a.m.
Alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m., hit snooze until 7:30 a.m. Roll out of bed and head to the Keurig. Head upstairs to my dressing room to make myself into a human. Yell at Alexa to read me the news. Instantly become depressed from the news. Leave to make the 4 minute drive to work.

8:00 a.m.
Drink 2 cups of coffee and check in with the team. Talk about my dogs for 15 minutes until everyone stops listening to me. I then head into my office and check emails.

9:00 a.m. – 10:30 a.m.
Outline items that need to be completed that day, check Basecamp (our project management system) to see what staff is working on and if there are any pressing deadlines.

10:30 a.m.
Team check-in. Everyone discusses top 3 priorities to ensure we are all on the same page and nothing gets dropped.

11:30 a.m.
Realize I am dying of hunger. Ask the team what they are in the mood for, discuss for the next hour then order nothing.

1:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Client meetings, either onsite or at 834 offices. Make 10th pot of coffee.

3:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Feel nauseous from all the coffee I inhaled, begin drinking water. Write several blogs, answer emails, check on public relations activities and think about happy hour. Begin texting everyone to see who will drink with me.

5:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
If no networking event that evening, go home. Drink a bottle of wine and work on multiple projects.

8:00 p.m.
Elmira the dogs…all 4 of them.

9:00 p.m.
Hmm…I think I might read my book on the Third Reich to switch up my routine. A little light reading before bedtime.

Before you go reading up on other ‘successful’ people’s routines, remember that what works for them may not work for you. They might get up at 4:00 a.m. to run 15 miles, clean their house, meditate or save the world…but who cares? We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and not give a shit what other people think.

*This was written as complete satire and truth.

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