If you don’t understand what is happening in our country as it relates to the stories circulating around sexual harassment and assault, then you are not listening. Women have never had it easy as it relates to dealings with the opposite sex, yet you seldom hear us complain or make a fuss, instead we go about doing what we have been doing for years – putting it behind us and moving forward.

The fact that we, now as a nation, are discussing sexual harassment and assault and have stopped making excuses for men and their actions – tells me it is about damn time. Every single woman out there has been subjected, in some way, to inappropriate behavior – so much so that the majority of us don’t even register it as abnormal or unacceptable.

I just read a piece by Amber Tamblyn in the New York Times, called “I’m Not Ready For The Redemption Of Men.” The piece talks about how men are feeling attacked and it is time for forgiveness and understanding. Excuse me while I laugh out loud.

Tamblyn states in the article that she is not ready to forgive, forget and move on, and I couldn’t agree with her more. The fact is we have been silent WAY too long and if it makes you uncomfortable, annoyed, angry – then all the better. There are so many more stories out there to be told and so many more powerful men to topple (we’re coming for you Trump – consider this your warning), we won’t allow this behavior to be the norm, we will speak up and we will change the dialogue.

To quote Tamblyn, “We’re in the midst of a reckoning. It’s what toxic masculinity’s own medicine tastes like. And people should allow the consequences to unfold, regardless of how it affects those they consider to be friends. The only way to enforce seismic, cultural change in the way men relate to women is to draw a line deep in the sand and say: This is what we will no longer tolerate.”

Join us.

Me Too. A powerful two word phrase that has been spreading like wildfire on social media started up on Sunday night. With the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault allegations dominating headlines, actress Alyssa Milano took to social media asking women to post “Me Too” if they had ever been a victim of sexual assault and/or harassment. She tweeted a note that read “Suggested by a friend: If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.”

That was all it took, for women across the nation and world to come forward and post “Me Too” to illustrate the sheer magnitude and reach of sexual assault and harassment. The goal of this movement, in my humble opinion, is to show how far-reaching and common this type of behavior is and to bring attention to it.

Utilizing social media for advocacy is nothing new and has been used by nonprofits, politicians and other groups for years.  Since 45 took office this past year, we have been experiencing an incredibly polarizing political environment. From women’s rights to Black Lives Matter to LGBTQ rights; social media is being used to advance political agendas and influence public policy.

Take the current president, 45 has used Twitter as a tool since the beginning of his campaign to incite action and spread his ‘truths.’ Social platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are used predominantly for advocacy. A Huffington Post article notes that Facebook and Twitter break fifty percent for advocacy use. Twitter ranks first with slightly over three-fourths using that platform. Advocacy organizations may be using Twitter to attract media as those in television, radio, and print look to Twitter for breaking news and interesting story ideas.

I’m sure I have written on this before, but I don’t care. It’s my blog and I’ll write if I want to.

My firm of 10 years just moved into a new office space, launched a new logo and is undergoing a restructure as it relates to how we operate. It is scary as shit.

Is it like this with all business owners? You only see what you are doing wrong? You can’t seen your way through to the other side?

I carry this baggage around with me and it is exhausting. I’m working through it, I’m not an idiot – I know it isn’t healthy. If you are a business owner and happen to be one of the 33 people that subscribe, then listen up:

1. You are stronger than you think you are. Life keeps throwing curveballs and you adapt.
2. Failure is part of your story. Unfortunately, your stage is much bigger and you have an audience. Show them the grace in which you handle adversity. You got this.
3. You are not unique. There are others out there with your same issues, struggles and worries. Maybe this gives you little comfort, but it sure as hell makes me feel like I’m not alone.
4. Respect yourself. Be nice to you. It’s ok to have a bad day, but get your ass up and fix it the next day.

If you need more reassurance, you can bribe me with wine.

As women we are programmed to be apologetic.

“Sorry i’m late.”

“Sorry this seat is taken.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

Can we just knock it off already? Manners are one thing, but apologizing for no reason can actually hurt you. What kind of message are you sending? It sure as hell isn’t confidence.

There is a great article by Fast Company that talks about the right times to apologize and spoiler….it doesn’t include any of the below:

1. Sharing your point of view. If you are in a meeting and speak up, don’t apologize for it! Say what you have to say, illustrate how damn smart you are and then sit down. Do you think Bob is going to apologize for interrupting you to show how smart he is? No.
2. When you are short on time or long on time. If you have a presentation and it is going long, inform the group that you will wrap up in 2 minutes or however long. Also don’t be that person that drones on and on and on. I’m also going to assume your PowerPoint slides are engaging and not 15 bullet points each.
3. Delivering bad news. Sometimes you have to sit down with an employee, colleague or client and share or discuss a difficult issue. Apologizing will only undermine what you are about to say. Have the tough conversation and move on. Starting out with “sorry” only makes you look unsure.

There are situations that will warrant an apology, like running over your neighbors cat. However when it is work-related, think twice before offering up an apology.

What do you think?

Everyone wants to be a leader, until you are and then you most definitely don’t. There are a lot of misconceptions on leadership, like you will have minions to do everything for you. Listen, this isn’t the Devil Wears Prada and employees sure as hell won’t stick around if you treat them that way. They are not there to get you coffee, hang your coat, drop off dry cleaning or pick up your lunch.

Promotions are great and all, but do you really know what you are in for? Management will not make your life easier, in fact it will make your life much, much harder. You won’t only be responsible for your own work, but now you have people that report to you that need your direction. Everything that comes out of your department/division is your responsibility. The buck stops with you. Mistakes – your fault

A colleague gave me this analogy – being a leader is climbing up the ladder of responsibility and pulling up those that report to you. Your work load just doubled. It is not easy and it is a constant learning curve.

Failure is part of leadership, along with hard work. You have to give your employees the tools to succeed and empower them to make decisions and mistakes. How will they learn if you are always doing for them?

What do you think?

It will be 10 years for 834 Design & Marketing this fall. Some of those years I would like to forget, there was a lot of failure, frustration and drinking 🥃. People keep telling me that 10 years is a milestone, quite honestly…I’m just happy I managed to retain most of my sanity.

I was just asked the other day what it takes to be a business owner. Besides being slightly off your rocker, I came up with the below.

1. Self-awareness. Know your strengths and weaknesses and don’t be afraid to admit them. Every single employee at 834, has strengths or abilities I don’t possess. I hired them because they are smart, capable and driven. If you feel threatened by that, then you shouldn’t be leading or running a business.
2. Willingness. You will do whatever needs to be done. That means, every employee you hire or plan to hire is doing a job you have done at some point. This also applies to interns. If you ask them to take out garbage or run a vacuum, then you sure as hell better be willing to do it yourself. It is a team effort and if you position yourself on a throne, no one will respect you and they sure as hell won’t work hard for you.
3. Toughness. You are going to get the shit kicked out of you throughout your business journey. I threw in the towel at one point and went to work for a client, it lasted 9 months. It was also the best thing that I could ever have done, because I realized I am not cut out for the corporate world or working for someone else. See #1, self-awareness.
4. Embrace humility. I am self-deprecating to a fault. I do it because it seems to set people at ease and I don’t want anyone to ever think that I walk around like an egotistical asshole. In fact, just in the last few years, I finally allowed myself to admit that I am good at my job and that 834 is a great company. My point is, never think you are better than anyone else, not your competitors, not your employees, not your waiter…no one.
5. Seek out crazy. Find other business owners, because no one else will understand what you are going through. Not your spouse, friends or family. This is a lonely, scary, exhilarating journey and you will need support.
6. Trust your gut. The times I have ignored my gut, I have made some really stupid calls. If you really listen to your instincts, you will be better off.

Never stop dreaming and never give up. Perseverance and just being damn stubborn has carried me through when times were hardest. If you fail, try again. Business owners aren’t afraid of failure, they embrace it and learn from it.

What do you support? Do you stay neutral? Stay out of any political discourse?

Many companies choose to quietly support or not support certain organizations in their community or remain quiet on what their customers may perceive as controversial.

834, I am proud to say, will always vocally support equality, inclusiveness and diversity. In fact we are proud supporters of the Grand Rapids Pride Center and this weekend’s Pride Festival. For us, this is a huge part of our culture and it is what makes our company great.

Some companies may have a different base of clients or may have a political base and need to remain neutral facing for those reasons. I am really proud that as a small business owner I am able to support great organizations like the Grand Rapids Pride Center, GVSU LGBT Alumni Association and Vicki’s Pet Connection (obviously we support all things animals).

You have to do what is right for you, your company and your customers.

What do you think?

Being a business owner is incredibly lonely. I am reminded of this daily, when I have no one but myself to turn to when it comes to tough decisions. No one cuts you slack and no one cares about your ‘feelings’.

Your significant other will not know the crushing pressure you feel when looking at finances, dealing with employee issues, clients, payroll, accounts receivable, accounts payable, insurance, telephones, equipment, technology, property management, growth, culture…you get the drift. They will say you internalize things and you need better work/life balance. What they don’t understand is that doesn’t exist when you own a business. The business doesn’t stop because you have decided you need a vacation or a ‘timeout’.

Here is what I want you to understand about business owners.

• We have tough exteriors. We are tough so people don’t smell weakness and take advantage of us. We look confident but in reality we beat ourselves up about every decision, mistake, failure and critique.
• We choose to do what we do because we truly believe we can make a difference. Sure it sounds cheesy and idyllic and perhaps it is but the fact is there wouldn’t be entrepreneurs or inventors if we were all realists.
• We have feelings. When we are criticized by competitors, clients, employees, vendors, etc. it hurts. It truly hurts. It may seem silly, but we want to be liked. If I was as tough as I looked, I wouldn’t have 4 dogs and donate to every gofundme page that pops up in my newsfeed.
• We’re lonely. If I didn’t have other business owners to commiserate with, I couldn’t do this. I would never had made it without my fellow business owner and best friend, Sue. It’s not like we got a how-to guide when we started our business.
• We’re a little like wild animals. We are fiercely loyal and protective. This means we have to make really shitty decisions sometimes that others view as shotgun or surprising. What you don’t know is the agonizing thought and sleepless nights that we endured prior to making the ‘surprising’ decision.

If you see a business owner on the street, give them a hug (not me though – don’t hug me). They could really use it. Better yet, tell them they’re doing a good job.

This won’t be exciting for anyone reading it, but I’m going to write it anyways – because it is my birthday.

This past year has been exciting, terrifying and adventurous to say the least. Here are my top takeaways as I enter my 38th year.

1. The non-traditional family. I do not have a great relationship with my family, which is partly my fault and partly their fault. What I have realized in the last year is that we all have a choice. I choose my friends, my dogs and my husband. All of you have loved me regardless of my aggressive and abrasive personality. Whether I am angry, sad or reclusive – you are always there for me. From girl trips to birthday dinners to family dinners to just grieving with me – you are my family.
2. Travel. I made a promise to myself that I would travel extensively beginning in 2015 and I have kept that promise. From Spain to the Bahamas to Puerto Rico to a cruise to Mexico to Europe. As I sit here writing this blog looking out at Huddersfield, England I am filled with gratitude and happiness. Life is short, embrace it and don’t let anything stop you.
3. I love my independence. I chose not to have children or to take my husband’s last name. It may seem trivial to some or crazy to others. The fact is, I love Bode, my dogs and my career. If you don’t understand that or judge me for it, then screw you. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions and you should not have to defend your life choices.
4. Let them in. I lost my beloved Murphy this past year and it was the hardest thing I have ever endured. He was my everything, my best friend, my shadow…it is hard to even write about it now. I have never grieved so openly but with grief comes clarity. Those that accept you in the hardest of life’s moments are those you should share your life with. Say thank you, tell them you love them and grieve with them. You will come out on the other side.
5. Self-reflection is key. I have made a lot of mistakes, acted impulsively and hurt people in the process. Recognizing your faults and your strengths will only help you grow. Never be afraid or unwilling to apologize and to talk about your weaknesses, you will realize they can be turned into strengths if you are willing to listen and reflect.
6. Say thank you. I am incredibly blessed and I try my best to show this through my actions. I am still incredibly uncomfortable with affection and personal attention. This often comes off as aloof, I just would rather focus on 834 or you. So, I say thank you to all of you who have taken the time to send a card, wish me a happy birthday, send flowers and continue to reach out even if I go radio silent.
7. Do what scares you. Get up on that stage and talk about failure, admit you don’t know everything and push yourself to do what terrifies you. There is a lesson to be learned in everything you do. Growth happens in the scariest moments of your life.
8. Courage is hard. Doing the right thing and making the tough decisions takes courage. Courage means you won’t always be liked or understood, but to me it means I am making the right decision for my business and my life.
9. Owning a business is the hardest and best thing I have ever done. Hiring and working with the brightest people in my industry is humbling and fulfilling. My 834 team is amazing and I hope each of you knows that – being a boss isn’t always fun and you definitely won’t be the most popular but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

38 is going to kick ass and that is because of all of you. Thank you for making 37 my best year.

P.S. To my sister and brother – thanks for loving me through all of those really awkward and angry stages…and the current ones.

Salma Hayek knows what she is talking about.

This past weekend I got up in front of an auditorium of people and talked about failure. I talked about a time in my life when I thought everything was perfect and everything was falling into place.

Then everything came crashing down – it was a shit show. I was in a really bad place and it honestly felt like life as I knew it was over.

That is the funny thing about failure, at the time you can’t see beyond it but once you are past it you can see the valuable lessons it taught you.

1. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Allow yourself the time to feel like shit, but just remember you will always come out on the other side of it.
2. It really does happen for a reason. I don’t mean in the cliche sense, but in the ‘you will be such a badass’ when it is behind you. The growth you will experience and the confidence you will gain will prove to be invaluable in future shitty situations.
3. You are not alone. Look around. Every single person you see has failed. Failure is not reserved for just you, all of us go through it.
4. Talk about it. This was not an easy one for me. Failure is embarrassing and emotional and just icky. But…others can learn from your failure.

I still look back at that time in my life and I still can’t believe where I am today in comparison. I never thought I would survive it.

Sometimes the worst brings out the best.