I’ve been running a business for around 13 years, if there is one thing I hate above all else it is the questions women are asked that no one would even think to ask a man.

First, let me define sexism for readers. Merriam-Webster defines it as:

• How do you balance work and life? Um…is that even a serious question? I run a business, no one has fucking work/life balance you twit.
• How old are your kids? This one is my favorite, I’m not even asked if I have kids, it is a given I would have them…because what woman doesn’t fulfill the role they are placed on this earth for? By the way, sarcasm is heavy in this blog. Read on if you dare.
• How is your little business doing? Oh really good, between keeping up on housework and making delicious meals for my husband, I have managed to run a business for 13 years that is fueled on the tears of interns.
• How does your husband deal with your schedule? I don’t know, I chain him to a bed and feed him periodically…seems to be fine when I see him.
• Do you only hire attractive females? Yep, all ugly trolls are stopped at the door and sent on their way.
• How does your husband feel about all the men you spend time with? What a great question! Well, I make sure any male that is within 10 feet of me is made aware that I am happily married, then I flash my ring in his face and only talk about what a wonderful man my husband is…I make sure to really drive that point home. I also review my schedule with my husband every Sunday so he knows who I’m meeting with and when, he then gives me permission to run my business.
• There is still time to have kids. I know, I know, this isn’t a question…it’s a statement…which should say it all.
• Who will take care of you in your old age? If that is your retirement plan, you are a moron. What kid wants to be strapped with their aging parents? I plan to have 100 dogs and they will probably eat me when I pass away. Too much? Ah well, thanks for asking.

I had to stop at eight or this blog was going to be a novel, maybe there will be part 2, depends on demand.

Before you get all defensive, I know these questions are not ill-intended but that in no way makes them excusable. 

Stop. Think. Then open mouth.

I’m really sick of answering these questions, I’m also sick of women being viewed as a weaker sex that somehow can’t share in the same accomplishments as a man. As women, we get defensive and begin listing all the things we do, manage and keep together to ensure everyone around us is taken care of…and we need to stop.

Listen up ladies, stop being so damn nice about sexism. Be sarcastic, forceful, abrasive, aggressive, forward (all the adjectives that are used against us) in your responses.

For example “Why don’t you have kids?”

My Answer: “My uterus was ripped out by scavenging bears, I’m lucky to be alive…thanks for bringing up that painful memory.”

See, easy peasy. Don’t let sexism win or be excused.

I don’t talk about my faith. I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I am. I’m a progressive Christian, something that apparently goes against everything organized religion stands for and I openly condemn the current presidency. It is not a popular opinion among family and I’m very much the black sheep. The church can’t seem to reconcile my position on women’s bodies, love is love, human rights and acceptance without judgment.

I wasn’t always this way, I loved to judge and I embraced hypocrisy with every fiber of my being. If you drank, going to hell. If you had sex before marriage, going to hell. If you were gay, going to hell. If you had an abortion, going to hell. I’ve come along way, thanks to my brother. See, he is gay and I love him fiercely, he has taught me more about love, forgiveness, acceptance and God’s love than anyone in the Christian Reformed Church (CRC) I grew up in ever had.

Just this past week, Christianity Today (CT) came out with a statement calling for the removal of President Trump. While I rejoice that they finally found their voice…it took too long. Were they and my brothers and sisters in Christ not watching this madman and his reign of terror as he openly condemned the LGBTQ+ community, immigrants, women and lied, cheated and said and did things like:

• “Grab them by the pussy.”
•  Mocking of a disabled reporter.
• “I could shoot someone on fifth street.”
• “Go back to where you came from.”

It is TOO late.

Individuals like myself and much younger have and are staging a mass exodus from the church. Why are you surprised? “Evangelists” such as Franklin Graham endorse and support his racism, sexism, ableism, classism, xenophobia, homophobia – pick one or pick them all, and are SURPRISED when we can’t reconcile his or the church’s blindness to who we view as Jesus Christ?

WAKE THE FUCK UP.

I love Jesus and I love my fellow human beings and because of that I will not condone, accept or turn a blind eye to the crisis our country is experiencing at the hand of a raving lunatic and the church’s inability to stand up in the face of injustice. This is exactly what Jesus teaches us! He made the ultimate sacrifice to save us, yet we are too scared and cowardly to embody him and follow his example.

I read the following statement by an individual on Facebook, shared by a friend of mine, and it captures my heart and so many others perfectly:

We’re not confused anymore. We understand the priorities here. Protection of empire, institution, and power. CT’s timing in speaking up and out is not comforting—it is an incredibly, alarmingly low bar.

They will know us by our love.

The institutional church is certainly known for its love at this point. The bigger question for me is—love of what?

God and country?
Or God IN humanity?

THAT. That’s where we’re parting ways.

I may not openly talk about my love of Jesus, but I try so desperately to show my love through my actions. Maybe I’m not doing it right, either way I will always stand up and fight for those that the church has forsaken.

You are loved.

I love you.

Jesus loves you.

That is all that matters.

I get such a f**king kick out of the holidays, it is nauseating. I don’t know when this love of Christmas took over my life, as a little kid my brother and I would spend hours looking through the JCPenny catalog marking pages and picking out toys that we just had to have. Does anyone remember the Cabbage Patch craze? My Aunt Barb at the time worked at Meijer and managed to snag a doll for me, which in itself was a Christmas miracle.

Christmas has evolved for me over the years, Josh and I made a decision several years back that we were going to do holidays our way. We would take it in small doses, set up time to spend with various family members and friends outside large gatherings. We then spend time us and the dogs and yes they get stockings and presents…we’re pretty much the best fur mom and dad ever.

For me, it is all about the experiences. I love baking cookies with the nephews and nieces, mixing up holiday drinks, wrapping presents, giving presents, wearing red and green, decorating the house, cabin and office…you get the picture.

I met with someone on Friday that told me they hate Christmas, I think my staff member that was with me openly gasped in anticipation of my reaction. Here is the deal, I get it…it isn’t for everyone and yes it is overly commercialized…but it is all what you make of it.

I remember a certain Christmas when we were really struggling financially as a family, my mother has always gone above and beyond for the holidays and it was obvious she was stressed and worried that year. The funny thing is, it was the best Christmas I remember. We called it our ‘homemade’ Christmas. My parents made our presents that year, my father built me a dollhouse and my mom handmade all of the furniture and decor. There is a video of me screaming at the sight of it, it’s quite embarrassing – I guess I have always loved the holidays.

I would love to read your Christmas memories, drop them in the comments below and let’s spread some holiday cheer.

The holiday season is upon us and it comes with all the fun and stress. I’m not an expert on navigating the holidays, but I’ve survived so far and I’m pretty good at managing chaos, so here are my tips for surviving the holidays.

Just as a reminder, always put your mental health first, you shouldn’t hurt yourself to make others happy.

Family you choose

For some reason, holidays turn loving families into the Griswolds or Ralphie’s dad from the Christmas Story. Grandpa is going on and on about the NRA, mom is trying to keep the peace, your siblings are guzzling wine and you’re currently hiding in the closet to avoid discussing politics – hurts to be the only liberal in the family. If you would like to avoid the trauma, drama and karma…opt out of the family gathering and host a friendsgiving and friendsmas. Invite the people you like, assign them a dish to bring (skip the fruitcake) and gather around your own table for food, friends, and fun.

If the guilt of missing a family gathering is too much for you, might we suggest showing up for hors ‘de oeuvres and a few drinks? You made your appearance, now go preserve your sanity.

Escape

Plan a getaway, whether it is a cabin in the woods or a hotel with a pool for the kiddos. Family time can be done in small doses. If you are committed to seeing your family, then set up one-on-one time with them away from the drama.

There is no rule that you HAVE to do things the way they have always been done. Break the cycle.

Make new traditions

Just because it’s always been done one way, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. If there are individuals within your family who feel the same way as you about holiday gatherings, set up a time with them away from the drama.

I do this with one of my sisters-in-law and nephews. I don’t want nor need to be in the middle of a family Christmas where we all pretend to like each other, refuse to address the elephant in the room and I have to drink a bottle of wine just to make it through the evening. It isn’t worth it.

Fight it out

The other thing you can do is put on your fighting gloves and duke it out. I don’t suggest this option, as it is impossible to reason with some family members and you will only leave frustrated and angry.

At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for your family and your sanity. The holidays should be a time of celebration and joy, not ulcers and anxiety.

What are your creative ideas for managing the holidays?

What is it about that name? If your name is Karen, my apologies. My sometimes partner-in-crime, Chris Andrus, wrote this great blog about standing up to customers in defense of your employees.

I can’t imagine how hard that is in the service industry, maybe you will read this and be less of an asshole to your servers. If not, stay home and make yourself some mac & cheese, cause you suck.

A lot of businesses have the approach of “the customer is always right.” One of our core values at 8THIRTYFOUR is “We Are Not Assholes,” and that applies to everyone we interact with, but that doesn’t mean we are doormats. I am fiercely protective of my staff, and sometimes that means standing up to a client if they are disrespectful or out-of-line. I have parted ways with a client due to this in the past.

Think about it for a minute, if your employee is disrespected by one of your clients and you do nothing, what does that say to them? They are less than? Their point of view is irrelevant?

Start Here:

1. Speak with your employee and ask what happened.
2. Investigate into circumstances. This could be reviewing a project, communication, etc.
3. Have a conversation with your client.
4. Come to a resolution, and sometimes that is telling your client they were out of line.

If you trust your employees, you will always err on their side. Their track record with your company speaks for itself.

The world would be better off if we all lived by the Golden Rule of treating others how you want to be treated. As a business owner, it is your job to ensure your employees feel safe and protected.

It’s time to let go of “the customer is always right,” it just isn’t true.

Every Veterans Day, I reflect back on the men and women that have served, are serving and have given the ultimate sacrifice. I have read extensively on WWII, I truly believe unless we remember history and educate ourselves on our past, we are doomed to make the same mistakes in the future.

Today, I want to recognize some of the badass women that served our country during WWII.

“There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.” – W.E.B Dubois

Night Witches

Captain Polina Osipenko (Co-Pilot and Commander of the plane), Deputy to the Supreme Soviet of the USSR Valentina Grizodubova (Navigator), and Senior Lieutenant Marina Raskova right before taking flight. (Credit: Sovfoto/UIG via Getty Images)

The 588th Soviet night bomber regiment of World War II completed over 30,000 missions over the course of four years, dropped 23,000 tons of bombs, and became so feared by Nazi forces that anyone who managed the difficult feat of taking down a pilot in the squadron would be automatically awarded an Iron Cross (the highest Nazi military honor)… the 588th regiment was also made up entirely of badass women.

They were led by Marina Raskova, considered the Amelia Earhart of the Soviet Union.

The military, unprepared for women pilots, offered them meager resources. Flyers received hand-me-down uniforms (from male soldiers), including oversized boots. They had to tear up their bedding and stuff them in their boots to get them to fit.

Their equipment wasn’t much better. The military provided them with outdated Polikarpov Po-2 biplanes, 1920s crop-dusters that had been used as training vehicles. These light two-seater, open-cockpit planes were never meant for combat. It was like a coffin with wings. Made out of plywood with canvas pulled over, the aircraft offered virtually no protection from the elements. Flying at night, pilots endured freezing temperatures, wind, and frostbite. In the harsh Soviet winters, the planes became so cold, just touching them would rip off bare skin.

Due to both the planes’ limited weight capacity and the military’s limited funds, the pilots also lacked other “luxury” items their male counterparts enjoyed. Instead of parachutes (which were too heavy to carry), radar, guns, and radios, they were forced to use more rudimentary tools such as rulers, stopwatches, flashlights, pencils, maps and compasses.

Despite being the most highly decorated unit in the Soviet Air Force during the war, the Night Witches regiment was disbanded six months after the end of World War II. And when it came to the big victory-day parade in Moscow, they weren’t included—because, it was decided, their planes were too slow.

Nancy Wake, The White Mouse

The Gestapo called her “The White Mouse” for the way she deftly avoided their traps.

She hid downed Allied servicemen at her home and led them over the Pyrenees to the safety of neutral Spain. She later helped organize thousands of French resistance fighters known as the Maquis, by meeting Allied arms drops, distributing weapons and training 7,000 partisans in preparation for the Normandy invasion.

She earned decorations from the British, French and American governments; she was belatedly honored in Australia, where she had grown up. Exact figures are hard to establish, but she was reported to have helped save many hundreds of lives.

Nancy Wake, shown in 1945, was a spy and became one the Allies’ most decorated servicewomen for her role in the French resistance during World War II. (Australian War Memorial/ASSOCIATED PRESS)

Max Hastings, a British journalist and military historian, described her as an “ardent warrior, possessed of an endless appetite for sensation.”

As her involvement in the war deepened, Ms. Wake was trained by the British to kill with her bare hands (she delivered a fatal karate chop to a sentry at an arms factory), parachute into enemy-held territory and work a machine gun.

She chomped on cigars and bested guerrilla fighters in drinking bouts. She traveled nowhere without her Chanel lipstick, face cream and a favorite red satin cushion.

“She is the most feminine woman I know until the fighting starts — then she is like five men,” a colleague in the French resistance once said.

Vera Atkins

According to author, Sarah Helm, as the head of the French Section of the British Special Operations Executive, Vera Atkins recruited, trained, and mentored special

Squadron Officer Vera Atkins, WAAF, in 1946

operatives whose job was to organize and arm the resistance in Nazi-occupied France. After the war, Atkins courageously committed herself to a dangerous search for twelve of her most cherished women spies who had gone missing in action.

Atkins also displayed formidable skills as an interrogator. Hugo Bleicher, the Abwehr officer who had reaped havoc among the French Resistance, judged her interrogation the most skillful to which he had been subjected by his captors. In March 1946 she also interrogated Rudolf Hoess, the German Commandant of Auschwitz, who had been living disguised as a farmer. When asked whether it was true that he had caused the deaths of 1.5m Jews, he indignantly protested that this was wrong: the real figure was 2,345,000.

Virginia Hall

According to History.com, the American Virginia Hall, a.k.a. the ‘Limping Lady,’ organized sabotage and rescue operations across Vichy France, paving the way for the Allied invasion. Hall had a pronounced limp due to a wooden leg as a result of a hunting accident. Her wooden leg never slowed her down, Hall became so notorious to Nazi leaders that the Gestapo dubbed her “the most dangerous of all Allied spies.” Interestingly enough, she was recruited by Vera Atkins.

In 1944, months before the D-Day invasion at Normandy, Hall rode a British torpedo ship to France, and disguised as a 60-year-old peasant woman, crisscrossed the French countryside organizing sabotage missions against the German army. In one OSS report, Hall’s team was credited with derailing freight trains, blowing up four bridges, killing 150 Nazis and capturing 500 more.

There are so many more women who served, read up on Noor Inayat Khan. Khan was a wartime British secret agent of Indian descent who was the first female radio operator sent into Nazi-occupied France by the Special Operations Executive (SOE).  In November 1943, she was sent to Pforzheim prison in Germany where she was kept in chains and in solitary confinement. Despite repeated torture, she refused to reveal any information. In September 1944, Khan and three other female SOE agents were transferred to Dachau concentration camp where on 13 September they were shot.

Join me in remembering these amazing badass women, share this blog and let’s keep their memory and sacrifices alive.

For a recent event I was involved in, I was asked to facilitate a roundtable on communicating across generations – Baby Boomers, Generation X, Millennials and Generation Z.

For transparency reasons, 8THIRTYFOUR employs Millennials and Generation Z, I am the only Gen X’er in the company. Yay me.

I did some in-depth research (ok I Googled) to determine the characteristics of the different generations. The research, as well as the business owners’ experiences with millennials specifically was fascinating and very similar.

Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964)

• Live to work
• Self-worth = work ethic
• Loyal to employer
• Competitive
• Goal-centric
• Process-oriented
• Focused
• Disciplined
• Enjoy working in teams and proving themselves to the team
• Need to know that they are valued
• Want to make a difference

Generation X (born 1965-1980)

• Work to live
• Crave independence
• Skepticism
• Focused on results
• Think Globally
• Adapt to change
• Eager to learn
• Thrive on flexibility
• Education is a necessary means to succeed

Millennials (Generation Y, born 1981-1996)

• Fully transparent, shares everything
• Do well with detailed instructions
• Desire to make an impact
• Commerce & conscience together
• Value Diversity
• Love technology
• Education is a highly expensive necessity
• Do not perform at their best in a traditional work environment
• Find solutions using technology

Generation Z (born since 1996)

• Tech-innate (first generation to grow up with modern technology)
• Accepting of others
• Make things
• Realists
• Individualistic
• Competitive
• Transparent
• Entrepreneurial and inventive spirit
• Concerned about the cost of education

Besides determining that Gen X’ers are the best generation (kidding), the general consensus was that those born between 1981 and 1996, Millennials, seem to be the most challenging to manage. Here is some of the business owner’s feedback:

• They have unrealistic expectations. They expect to make upwards of $45,000 in their first job out of college.
• When asked where she wanted to be in 5 years, she responded “CEO of the company.”
• They want all the perks, with none of the work.
• They have a sense of entitlement, want things handed to them.
• Lack of problem-solving skills need things spelled out for them.
• Lack of loyalty, the grass is always greener.
• Disrespectful.

Obviously, this is only one small group’s experience, but millennials tend to be the topic of everyone’s conversations, why is that?

According to the Center for Generational Kinetics’, in the last several years, Millennials have become the largest generation in the U.S. workforce. Millennials are also the fastest-growing generation of customers in the marketplace, bringing the greatest lifetime value. In addition, Millennials exhibit different attitudes toward employment, sales, and marketing, which are challenging many conventional strategies and approaches.

A Time Magazine article published in 2013 titled, Millennials: The Me Me Me Generation stated, “This generation has the highest likelihood of having unmet expectations with respect to their careers and the lowest levels of satisfaction with their careers at the stage that they’re at.”

Here is what I do know, every generation has despised the generation that follows or precedes it. One thing Gen X’ers, Millennials and Gen Z seem to agree on is their dislike of Baby Boomers.

I think what makes most of us uncomfortable…especially business owners is we just don’t know how to manage millennials.

Tom Brokaw, champion of the Greatest Generation, loves millennials. He calls them the Wary Generation, and he thinks their cautiousness in life decisions is a smart response to their world. “Their great mantra has been: Challenge convention. Find new and better ways of doing things.”

In future blogs, I’ll explore the challenges and benefits of employing millennials. I would love your feedback, drop it in the comments below.

A growing business is a blessing and a challenge. Hiring is one of the hardest endeavors, regardless of business size. When you have an entry-level position you are hiring for, you are most likely dealing with new grads or those with a year experience.

I have found these roles the most challenging to fill. The rule with the Entrepreneurial Operating System® (EOS®) is to hire slow, fire fast. We definitely have the first one down. Culture is such a fickle thing, that is incredibly important to find someone that will integrate well into your team, as well as do an exceptional job. Maybe I am biased but I want anyone I hire to stay with 8THIRTYFOUR for a long period of time, if not forever. I realize this is not realistic, but a business owner can dream.

Some of the scenarios I have encountered along our hiring journeys are listed below along with recommendations.

Applying

When drafting your cover letter, be sure to address it to someone within the organization. If you are not sure who (try Google and their website), call the company and ask for a name.  Never, ever address a cover letter “Dear hiring manager.” We are a small team, I am the hiring manager.

Other “mishaps” that will automatically drop you out of the running:

• Grammatical errors in your cover letter or resume. Seriously? Have someone proofread it or just run spellcheck.
• Addressing the cover letter to the wrong person. I have no words for this one.
• Having the name of the company you applied to previously…in the cover letter. Yeah, that’ll be a no for us.
• Misspelling the name of my company. This shows me you really did your research.
• Applying for the wrong position. Did you even read the job posting?
• Taking several days to respond to an interview request. Clearly, you are ready for the hustle and bustle of agency life. Don’t use the spam excuse, you can check that daily.
• Responding with salary requirements well outside the position range (when it is listed in the job posting). Thanks for wasting my time, also Google “cost of living in Grand Rapids vs. Chicago.”

The Interview

It can be nerve-wracking walking into a company and being cross-examined. Some of the scenarios we have encountered leave me completely baffled. Avoid these missteps.

• Showing up excessively early, be there 5 to 7 minutes early. Do not show up 15 to 20 minutes early.
• A limp handshake. Gross. A handshake should be firm, brief and strong.
• Dressing too casually. Even if you are applying for a company that has a laidback dress code, show up looking polished in a blazer or other appropriate office wear.
• Acting entitled. I have had interviewees request, in the interview, to work a 4 day week. Seriously?
• Negotiating raises and a higher salary in the interview, after already giving us your salary requirements. This should go without saying, do not bring up money in an interview. There is plenty of time to discuss compensation, raise structure, holidays, vacation time….after the offer.
• Preparing properly with research into the company should be a given. When asked why you are interested in working for us, have an answer prepared. Read recent blogs, review LinkedIn profiles, do a simple Google search and be prepared to ask questions on the company.

After The Interview

• Follow-up is encouraged, to a certain extent. Calling the office every day, then cell phones, sending emails, thank you notes, etc. is a little over the top. We will let you know when a decision has been made.
• Questioning the hiring process. Every candidate is different, meaning there are different interactions required prior to making a decision. Asking if “this is typical of your hiring process,” sends the entitlement vibe. Be thankful a company is investing in ensuring you are the right fit, so both parties don’t end up hoodwinked.
• Reaching out to all current employees. To a certain extent, this is encouraged, however when asking intrusive and somewhat combative questions…just don’t.
• If you are offered the job, congrats, don’t ask for a week to think it over. Don’t apply for the position, if your end goal is to not actually take the job.

I could go into more “what not to do” scenarios, but then this would turn into a novel. In my next blog, I’ll share stories of interviews that blew me away.

Have horror stories of your own? Share them in the comments below, please don’t let me be alone.

I had an interesting convo with my therapist the other day (more people should admit they see one, helps erase the stigma), we were chatting about the stress a business owner deals with every day and how it bleeds into every other aspect of your life. By the way, this was supposed to be marriage counseling, but it ended up just being me – that is a story there for another day.

In my therapist’s other life, he is a business coach. Which, if you think about it, makes perfect sense. I think what we often need, as business owners, someone to talk to with no judgment. We keep a lot of shit locked inside, we don’t want to bother our significant others, family or friends and not just that, they will never fully understand the struggle.

I wrote a blog a while back that talked about the loneliness a business owner faces. The blog is just as true today as 3 years ago when I wrote it.

What has been my saving grace in recent years is the network surrounding the Small Business Association of Michigan (SBAM). The group consists only of business owners, which means you are in a room with others that experience the same pain points, frustrations, and hurdles. It’s therapy for my mind and soul.

I’ve been talking about mental health a lot, my last blog tackled it and I’m addressing it in this one. If I can help one person by admitting my struggles, then awesome.

I also really want to help, my nature is to fix things. After chatting with my therapist, who is really cool, he and I are tossing around the idea of starting up a business owner support group. He would facilitate because we all tend to be a bit ADD.

So let me know your thoughts. Would you want to attend? What if I said there would be wine/booze/beer? Does that sway you at all?

“Do you ever just want to scream?” was the text message I sent to three of my friends last week.

There are times, we drive ourselves to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. I hope I have been honest in the past about my mental health struggles, it’s something I have dealt with since…forever. I can’t remember a time anxiety wasn’t a factor in my life. If you’re reading this, you are not alone. Repeat after me:

I AM NOT ALONE.

It really is an epidemic in our country, one that people would prefer to keep hidden. We’re embarrassed to admit it, seek treatment or talk about it with those closest to us. According to Pine Rest,  mental illnesses affect 19% of the adult population, 46% of teenagers and 13% of children each year. People struggling with their mental health may be in your family, live next door, teach your children, work in the next cubicle or sit in the same church pew.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I am one of those people that feels they can’t appear weak or less than capable – I mean aren’t we all feeling that pressure? What will my employees think? My clients? My family? My friends? My dogs (yes, I really think that).

Want to know what those badass women responded via text?

• I’ve been ornery AF.
• Schedules. Husbands. Politics. Housework. Job Work. I’m feeling the stress of it all lately.
• I was spying on my husband through our dog monitors to see if he was doing any housework while I was gone (ok, that was me).

Listen we’re all a little fucked, we live in stressful times. You gotta take care of you, spend a weekend recharging, exercise (if that’s your thing) or bring your girls together and just bitch.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.