The holiday season is upon us and it comes with all the fun and stress. I’m not an expert on navigating the holidays, but I’ve survived so far and I’m pretty good at managing chaos, so here are my tips for surviving the holidays.

Just as a reminder, always put your mental health first, you shouldn’t hurt yourself to make others happy.

Family you choose

For some reason, holidays turn loving families into the Griswolds or Ralphie’s dad from the Christmas Story. Grandpa is going on and on about the NRA, mom is trying to keep the peace, your siblings are guzzling wine and you’re currently hiding in the closet to avoid discussing politics – hurts to be the only liberal in the family. If you would like to avoid the trauma, drama and karma…opt out of the family gathering and host a friendsgiving and friendsmas. Invite the people you like, assign them a dish to bring (skip the fruitcake) and gather around your own table for food, friends, and fun.

If the guilt of missing a family gathering is too much for you, might we suggest showing up for hors ‘de oeuvres and a few drinks? You made your appearance, now go preserve your sanity.

Escape

Plan a getaway, whether it is a cabin in the woods or a hotel with a pool for the kiddos. Family time can be done in small doses. If you are committed to seeing your family, then set up one-on-one time with them away from the drama.

There is no rule that you HAVE to do things the way they have always been done. Break the cycle.

Make new traditions

Just because it’s always been done one way, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. If there are individuals within your family who feel the same way as you about holiday gatherings, set up a time with them away from the drama.

I do this with one of my sisters-in-law and nephews. I don’t want nor need to be in the middle of a family Christmas where we all pretend to like each other, refuse to address the elephant in the room and I have to drink a bottle of wine just to make it through the evening. It isn’t worth it.

Fight it out

The other thing you can do is put on your fighting gloves and duke it out. I don’t suggest this option, as it is impossible to reason with some family members and you will only leave frustrated and angry.

At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for your family and your sanity. The holidays should be a time of celebration and joy, not ulcers and anxiety.

What are your creative ideas for managing the holidays?

I had an interesting convo with my therapist the other day (more people should admit they see one, helps erase the stigma), we were chatting about the stress a business owner deals with every day and how it bleeds into every other aspect of your life. By the way, this was supposed to be marriage counseling, but it ended up just being me – that is a story there for another day.

In my therapist’s other life, he is a business coach. Which, if you think about it, makes perfect sense. I think what we often need, as business owners, someone to talk to with no judgment. We keep a lot of shit locked inside, we don’t want to bother our significant others, family or friends and not just that, they will never fully understand the struggle.

I wrote a blog a while back that talked about the loneliness a business owner faces. The blog is just as true today as 3 years ago when I wrote it.

What has been my saving grace in recent years is the network surrounding the Small Business Association of Michigan (SBAM). The group consists only of business owners, which means you are in a room with others that experience the same pain points, frustrations, and hurdles. It’s therapy for my mind and soul.

I’ve been talking about mental health a lot, my last blog tackled it and I’m addressing it in this one. If I can help one person by admitting my struggles, then awesome.

I also really want to help, my nature is to fix things. After chatting with my therapist, who is really cool, he and I are tossing around the idea of starting up a business owner support group. He would facilitate because we all tend to be a bit ADD.

So let me know your thoughts. Would you want to attend? What if I said there would be wine/booze/beer? Does that sway you at all?

“Do you ever just want to scream?” was the text message I sent to three of my friends last week.

There are times, we drive ourselves to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. I hope I have been honest in the past about my mental health struggles, it’s something I have dealt with since…forever. I can’t remember a time anxiety wasn’t a factor in my life. If you’re reading this, you are not alone. Repeat after me:

I AM NOT ALONE.

It really is an epidemic in our country, one that people would prefer to keep hidden. We’re embarrassed to admit it, seek treatment or talk about it with those closest to us. According to Pine Rest,  mental illnesses affect 19% of the adult population, 46% of teenagers and 13% of children each year. People struggling with their mental health may be in your family, live next door, teach your children, work in the next cubicle or sit in the same church pew.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I am one of those people that feels they can’t appear weak or less than capable – I mean aren’t we all feeling that pressure? What will my employees think? My clients? My family? My friends? My dogs (yes, I really think that).

Want to know what those badass women responded via text?

• I’ve been ornery AF.
• Schedules. Husbands. Politics. Housework. Job Work. I’m feeling the stress of it all lately.
• I was spying on my husband through our dog monitors to see if he was doing any housework while I was gone (ok, that was me).

Listen we’re all a little fucked, we live in stressful times. You gotta take care of you, spend a weekend recharging, exercise (if that’s your thing) or bring your girls together and just bitch.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

First off, I hate the word self-care, so I am annoyed I used it in the title to this blog. It is, however, the quickest way to say “take care of yourself,” because no one else will.

The holidays really seem to kick people’s asses, mine included. I embrace all things Christmas with a fervor that is quite unhealthy and burn myself out in record time.

So I say to myself and you, STOP IT.

Get your shit together and follow my advice below, or come up with a better solution – do what works for you.

1. Turn your phone off. The first thing we reach for in the morning is our phone, the last thing we look at before we go to sleep is our phone. The digital world and our inability to disconnect from it, is really screwing us up. When 8:00 p.m. strikes, put your phone in a drawer and walk away.
2. Pick up a book. Now that the phone is gone, pick up a book you have been putting off reading because you are checking Facebook, SnapChat, Instagram, LinkedIn or playing Angry Birds. Set aside 30 minutes to an hour at night to reading something that interests you. I just received the book Duel With The Devil by Paul Collins which tells the story of the first major murder trial in New York City, it is a very light read – perfect for the holidays.
3. Write. Take 15 minutes a day and just write down your thoughts, on anything. Yesterday I wrote about my addiction to my phone. Journaling is therapeutic and they say it improves mental and physical health.
4. Find your happy place. Is it in your bedroom with surrounded by candles? Maybe it is taking a bath? It doesn’t have to be a cabin in the woods, although that is mine, what it should be is a place you just think. No staring at your phone, no obsessing over social media…just you, alone. Crazy scary, right? You have to be alone with your own thoughts – oh the horror!

The most important thing you can do, is put yourself first. I know the holidays are all about giving, but the fact is you gotta take care of yourself first or you have nothing to give anyone else.

As we approach the holidays, I wanted to write this blog as a reminder that it can be a hard time for many. As we age, the holidays can lead to stress, exhaustion, sadness and more.

We tend to put unreasonable demands on ourselves and have unrealistic expectations for others. I have never understood why when you reach a certain age you are told that the holidays are not for you anymore, but for the littles. All of a sudden, the traditions you once had or the gifts you once gave/received are ripped away from you. Okay, that may have been a bit melodramatic, but you get my point.

So, if you are childless, single, no longer in contact with your family or something needs to give; these tips for having a happy holiday are for you.

Make your own traditions

We all remember certain traditions when we were growing up and those tend to be bittersweet around the holidays. Every year when we put the tree up, my parents would give my sister, brother and I a present to open. It was always a Hallmark ornament that was relevant to us and to this day, I still have those ornaments and they hang on my tree.

Some of my ‘new’ traditions are influenced by my childhood, while others are my brainchild. Whenever I can, I host family dinners and invite any and all. I make a roast, casserole, potatoes and I set the table and we all sit down and just be. I have an open door policy and I want any person who comes into my home, to feel loved and welcomed.

Maybe your tradition is going downtown with friends to watch the tree lighting or hosting a white elephant party. It could be as small as making ornaments or cookies every year that you give to whomever.

Having a tradition, that you created, to look forward to every year helps stave off the sadness of the season.

Choose your family

When it was made abundantly obvious to me that I could no longer enjoy the holidays because I was an adult and didn’t have any children, I decided that I would choose my own misfit family to enjoy the season with.

This year, I will be hosting friendsmas (I need to wordsmith that) the Friday before Christmas with a few friends, we will exchange gifts, eat a delicious meal (made by me) and watch Christmas movies while surrounded by dogs. This makes my heart happy.

I also exchange presents with close friends and it gives me so much joy shopping for them.

Be Selfish

The holidays are not about giving until you literally drop, they are about joy and wherever you find that – embrace it and screw everyone else.

This will be our first Christmas with our cabin and we are going to sit in the middle of the woods, open stockings and warm ourselves by the fire. Will we miss out on a family party? Yes, but we also know that party is for the children and as much as we love them, we don’t need to sit around for 2 hours watching them open gifts.

Since we have ‘aged’ out of Christmas, make your own traditions where you put yourself first.

Know your limits

The limit could be a variety of things, a budget, number of parties you attend, family you do or don’t see…it depends. At the end of the day,  you are responsible for your mental and physical health and that means cutting the crap out and finding your happy.

I don’t care what age you are, the holidays can be a magical time if you surround yourself with the right people and know you always have a seat at my table.