I just got back from a relaxing vacation with my girlfriends, we spent our days laying on the beach, sipping cocktails and reading.

Instead of fully enjoying my vacation, I allowed negative thoughts and self-doubt to creep in the entire time.

These are thoughts I am uncomfortable sharing, because it leaves me vulnerable (and I have a reputation to uphold), however I am hoping by opening myself up you’ll cut yourself some slack.

Thought 1: I’m fat

How can I wear this suit? I would give anything for her body. I need to lose weight, eat better, drink less, exercise. I’m so gross, how can my husband even find me sexy. I hate my legs, my arms, my stomach.

I know I’m not alone in having these thoughts. How sad is it that instead of relishing the fact that I am in the Keys, hanging out with amazing women, I allow self-criticism to sneak in.

Love the body your in, so what if you have wrinkles, love handles, age spots, cellulite, thighs that rub, a plump stomach – who gives a shit.

The more often we tell each other we are beautiful, the sooner we will start to embrace who we are and ignore that voice in our head.

Thought 2: I shouldn’t be vacationing

Why did I take this vacation? There is too much going on at work, I should be at the office. If I pick up a book to read for leisure, I think “I should be reading that business book, I purchased.”

Why is it that when we take time for ourselves, the guilt creeps in. As a small business owner, I need to be working all the time – that is what I signed up for…right?

Thought 3: I’ll never be good enough

This one is a combination of all the negativity that swirls around in my head, aimed at myself.

• I suck at running my business
• I am a terrible manager
• I am an awful friend
• I don’t spend enough time with the dogs
• I am neglecting my husband
• I need to not eat that
• Don’t drink that
• I look terrible in this

If you looked at me, you would think – damn she is confident, isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, she is strong…blah blah blah. We all have self-doubts, I have a lot of them. There are times it is crippling and I go into hiding. My friends have dubbed it, “hermiting.” I don’t answer the phone, refuse to leave the house, lay in bed – I’m depressed, burned out, tired.

We expect so much of ourselves and refuse to grant ourselves any grace. Lets be the grace for each other. Reach out to another woman today and tell them they are worthy, beautiful and loved.

On this International Women’s Day, embrace your strength and cut yourself some damn slack. You are worthy.

The worst bosses I ever had…were women. I know I am not alone, many share the same experiences. These experiences have driven me to be a better leader and to cultivate opportunities for my employees that I never had. As a business owner (regardless of my gender), I need to live by example.

When reflecting back on my worst bosses, I realized they did teach me valuable leadership lessons.

1. Be transparent. By being clear with expectations for each role in your company, your employees know what is expected of them. Share with them the vision and 1 year, 3 year and 10 year goals. Understanding they are a part of something bigger, drives them to contribute in a more strategic way.
2. Support professional growth. When an employee grows professionally, the company benefits. Provide opportunities for community engagement, leadership training and more. We work with our employees to develop a professional development plan that we support as a firm.
3. Be intentional with culture. You want employees to look forward to coming to work each day. We purposefully build team bonding into our schedule – whether it is Friday Sangria or a BBQ at my house to share an updated company strategy to working on a patio for the afternoon. Employees work hard, reward them with some flexibility and fun.
4. Lead by example. This is by far the most important. We have all had those bosses that tells us one thing and do another. While I am out of the office a lot, I make it a priority to attend our team meetings, bonding sessions and hit deadlines.

Use your past ‘bad boss’ situations to drive yourself to be a better leader. Sometimes our worst experiences can be our best education.

I originally wrote this article for Huffington Post over a year ago and I doubt it will ever lose its relevance. 

“There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.” – Mean Girls

I caught myself the other day criticizing another professional woman in my same industry, because I was upset that things seemed to just ‘happen’ for her. Instead of being happy for her and congratulating her, I belittled, cut her down and openly criticized. What a bitch.

I consider myself a feminist and I am damn proud of it, hell I have an all female staff (I did at the time of writing this – welcome, Alex & Kayden!). However, feminism doesn’t give me the right to lash out at those that believe or see things differently than me. Hell that isn’t even the definition. It is about equality and that sure is hell needs to start with how we treat our own gender.

A good friend of mine asked me one time “Why do bitches cut other bitches?”
Is it low self-esteem? Do we feel threatened? Are we just assholes?

Frankly, I don’t give a shit what it is. Enough is enough. How about we come together and take the following actions instead of being complete bitches.

• Go to Facebook right now and post something nice on someone’s page that you have disagreed with in the past or got into a political argument about. I don’t care if they think the Women’s March was pointless, do it.
• Send an actual handwritten note to a woman that has done something awesome in your community. It could be a promotion, board position, award, etc. Spread the love.
• Set up drinks with someone that you disagree with politically and just listen…like shut your mouth and listen. If you don’t try to understand someone else’s point of view, then are you really any better when you are shoving yours down everyone else’s throat?
• Pause, think, breath and then act. Flying off the cuff and using emotion as your main basis for engaging is not productive.

The fact is, it is up to us to combat the mean girl disease. Do you really want to be labeled the Regina George of the world?

If we plan to run the world, we better practice what we preach.

Why, as women, do we feel the need to be liked by everyone? Why are our feelings hurt when we aren’t included? Is high school still haunting us?

I won’t get into how society or our upbringings can play a role in our need to be accepted or loved. I will say this, knock it off! I went through this a few months back and reached out to several women who I thought I had offended (who, me?) and offered to grab coffee or connect on a more personal level. The responses I received made me realize that I don’t have to be liked or be best friends with these women. I respected them on a professional level but it did not need to ever move beyond that. Why was that so hard for me to accept?

It came up in conversation again the other day when another (professional/colleague) woman and I were commenting on the fact that we had known each other for over 10 years, but it was never on a personal level. Guess what…we were both FINE with that. We both have an enormous amount of respect for each other professionally, but see no reason for it to move beyond those boundaries.

If you are struggling with the need to be liked, it is basically a disease, break down your relationships in the following ways:

1. Colleagues: These are individuals that you run into at professional events, board meetings or worked with in the past. You might meet up for  happy hour or sit together at an event, but you are not friends. They do not need to know your life story, unless you are like me and tell everyone you meet within the first 5 minutes of the conversation.
2. Co-workers: This is where personal and professional tend to blur, we often spend more time with our co-workers than our own families. They know what is going on in your personal life, you have most definitely grabbed drinks outside of work and you are brought together by common circumstances. These people will often exit your life quickly as well, usually for a new job.
3. Actual Friends: I say actual, because no matter where you are in life, these people will be with you. You don’t have to work in the same place, have the same type of job or worry about being liked by them. They will love you at your worst and support you at your best. Think back on those tough times in your life, who reached out to you? Who made the effort to support you? Who was by your side?

The fact is, no matter what, there will always be people out there who don’t like you. I am abrasive, stubborn, persistent and not shy about my beliefs – that doesn’t sit well with many people and that is ok. Don’t compromise yourself so someone else will like you.

Learning to be okay with that is hard work, but you’ll like yourself so much more for it. And guess what, I like you.

If you don’t understand what is happening in our country as it relates to the stories circulating around sexual harassment and assault, then you are not listening. Women have never had it easy as it relates to dealings with the opposite sex, yet you seldom hear us complain or make a fuss, instead we go about doing what we have been doing for years – putting it behind us and moving forward.

The fact that we, now as a nation, are discussing sexual harassment and assault and have stopped making excuses for men and their actions – tells me it is about damn time. Every single woman out there has been subjected, in some way, to inappropriate behavior – so much so that the majority of us don’t even register it as abnormal or unacceptable.

I just read a piece by Amber Tamblyn in the New York Times, called “I’m Not Ready For The Redemption Of Men.” The piece talks about how men are feeling attacked and it is time for forgiveness and understanding. Excuse me while I laugh out loud.

Tamblyn states in the article that she is not ready to forgive, forget and move on, and I couldn’t agree with her more. The fact is we have been silent WAY too long and if it makes you uncomfortable, annoyed, angry – then all the better. There are so many more stories out there to be told and so many more powerful men to topple (we’re coming for you Trump – consider this your warning), we won’t allow this behavior to be the norm, we will speak up and we will change the dialogue.

To quote Tamblyn, “We’re in the midst of a reckoning. It’s what toxic masculinity’s own medicine tastes like. And people should allow the consequences to unfold, regardless of how it affects those they consider to be friends. The only way to enforce seismic, cultural change in the way men relate to women is to draw a line deep in the sand and say: This is what we will no longer tolerate.”

Join us.

Me Too. A powerful two word phrase that has been spreading like wildfire on social media started up on Sunday night. With the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault allegations dominating headlines, actress Alyssa Milano took to social media asking women to post “Me Too” if they had ever been a victim of sexual assault and/or harassment. She tweeted a note that read “Suggested by a friend: If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.”

That was all it took, for women across the nation and world to come forward and post “Me Too” to illustrate the sheer magnitude and reach of sexual assault and harassment. The goal of this movement, in my humble opinion, is to show how far-reaching and common this type of behavior is and to bring attention to it.

Utilizing social media for advocacy is nothing new and has been used by nonprofits, politicians and other groups for years.  Since 45 took office this past year, we have been experiencing an incredibly polarizing political environment. From women’s rights to Black Lives Matter to LGBTQ rights; social media is being used to advance political agendas and influence public policy.

Take the current president, 45 has used Twitter as a tool since the beginning of his campaign to incite action and spread his ‘truths.’ Social platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are used predominantly for advocacy. A Huffington Post article notes that Facebook and Twitter break fifty percent for advocacy use. Twitter ranks first with slightly over three-fourths using that platform. Advocacy organizations may be using Twitter to attract media as those in television, radio, and print look to Twitter for breaking news and interesting story ideas.

I’m sure I have written on this before, but I don’t care. It’s my blog and I’ll write if I want to.

My firm of 10 years just moved into a new office space, launched a new logo and is undergoing a restructure as it relates to how we operate. It is scary as shit.

Is it like this with all business owners? You only see what you are doing wrong? You can’t seen your way through to the other side?

I carry this baggage around with me and it is exhausting. I’m working through it, I’m not an idiot – I know it isn’t healthy. If you are a business owner and happen to be one of the 33 people that subscribe, then listen up:

1. You are stronger than you think you are. Life keeps throwing curveballs and you adapt.
2. Failure is part of your story. Unfortunately, your stage is much bigger and you have an audience. Show them the grace in which you handle adversity. You got this.
3. You are not unique. There are others out there with your same issues, struggles and worries. Maybe this gives you little comfort, but it sure as hell makes me feel like I’m not alone.
4. Respect yourself. Be nice to you. It’s ok to have a bad day, but get your ass up and fix it the next day.

If you need more reassurance, you can bribe me with wine.

As women we are programmed to be apologetic.

“Sorry i’m late.”

“Sorry this seat is taken.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

Can we just knock it off already? Manners are one thing, but apologizing for no reason can actually hurt you. What kind of message are you sending? It sure as hell isn’t confidence.

There is a great article by Fast Company that talks about the right times to apologize and spoiler….it doesn’t include any of the below:

1. Sharing your point of view. If you are in a meeting and speak up, don’t apologize for it! Say what you have to say, illustrate how damn smart you are and then sit down. Do you think Bob is going to apologize for interrupting you to show how smart he is? No.
2. When you are short on time or long on time. If you have a presentation and it is going long, inform the group that you will wrap up in 2 minutes or however long. Also don’t be that person that drones on and on and on. I’m also going to assume your PowerPoint slides are engaging and not 15 bullet points each.
3. Delivering bad news. Sometimes you have to sit down with an employee, colleague or client and share or discuss a difficult issue. Apologizing will only undermine what you are about to say. Have the tough conversation and move on. Starting out with “sorry” only makes you look unsure.

There are situations that will warrant an apology, like running over your neighbors cat. However when it is work-related, think twice before offering up an apology.

What do you think?

Everyone wants to be a leader, until you are and then you most definitely don’t. There are a lot of misconceptions on leadership, like you will have minions to do everything for you. Listen, this isn’t the Devil Wears Prada and employees sure as hell won’t stick around if you treat them that way. They are not there to get you coffee, hang your coat, drop off dry cleaning or pick up your lunch.

Promotions are great and all, but do you really know what you are in for? Management will not make your life easier, in fact it will make your life much, much harder. You won’t only be responsible for your own work, but now you have people that report to you that need your direction. Everything that comes out of your department/division is your responsibility. The buck stops with you. Mistakes – your fault

A colleague gave me this analogy – being a leader is climbing up the ladder of responsibility and pulling up those that report to you. Your work load just doubled. It is not easy and it is a constant learning curve.

Failure is part of leadership, along with hard work. You have to give your employees the tools to succeed and empower them to make decisions and mistakes. How will they learn if you are always doing for them?

What do you think?

It will be 10 years for 834 Design & Marketing this fall. Some of those years I would like to forget, there was a lot of failure, frustration and drinking 🥃. People keep telling me that 10 years is a milestone, quite honestly…I’m just happy I managed to retain most of my sanity.

I was just asked the other day what it takes to be a business owner. Besides being slightly off your rocker, I came up with the below.

1. Self-awareness. Know your strengths and weaknesses and don’t be afraid to admit them. Every single employee at 834, has strengths or abilities I don’t possess. I hired them because they are smart, capable and driven. If you feel threatened by that, then you shouldn’t be leading or running a business.
2. Willingness. You will do whatever needs to be done. That means, every employee you hire or plan to hire is doing a job you have done at some point. This also applies to interns. If you ask them to take out garbage or run a vacuum, then you sure as hell better be willing to do it yourself. It is a team effort and if you position yourself on a throne, no one will respect you and they sure as hell won’t work hard for you.
3. Toughness. You are going to get the shit kicked out of you throughout your business journey. I threw in the towel at one point and went to work for a client, it lasted 9 months. It was also the best thing that I could ever have done, because I realized I am not cut out for the corporate world or working for someone else. See #1, self-awareness.
4. Embrace humility. I am self-deprecating to a fault. I do it because it seems to set people at ease and I don’t want anyone to ever think that I walk around like an egotistical asshole. In fact, just in the last few years, I finally allowed myself to admit that I am good at my job and that 834 is a great company. My point is, never think you are better than anyone else, not your competitors, not your employees, not your waiter…no one.
5. Seek out crazy. Find other business owners, because no one else will understand what you are going through. Not your spouse, friends or family. This is a lonely, scary, exhilarating journey and you will need support.
6. Trust your gut. The times I have ignored my gut, I have made some really stupid calls. If you really listen to your instincts, you will be better off.

Never stop dreaming and never give up. Perseverance and just being damn stubborn has carried me through when times were hardest. If you fail, try again. Business owners aren’t afraid of failure, they embrace it and learn from it.