I’ve been running a business for around 13 years, if there is one thing I hate above all else it is the questions women are asked that no one would even think to ask a man.

First, let me define sexism for readers. Merriam-Webster defines it as:

• How do you balance work and life? Um…is that even a serious question? I run a business, no one has fucking work/life balance you twit.
• How old are your kids? This one is my favorite, I’m not even asked if I have kids, it is a given I would have them…because what woman doesn’t fulfill the role they are placed on this earth for? By the way, sarcasm is heavy in this blog. Read on if you dare.
• How is your little business doing? Oh really good, between keeping up on housework and making delicious meals for my husband, I have managed to run a business for 13 years that is fueled on the tears of interns.
• How does your husband deal with your schedule? I don’t know, I chain him to a bed and feed him periodically…seems to be fine when I see him.
• Do you only hire attractive females? Yep, all ugly trolls are stopped at the door and sent on their way.
• How does your husband feel about all the men you spend time with? What a great question! Well, I make sure any male that is within 10 feet of me is made aware that I am happily married, then I flash my ring in his face and only talk about what a wonderful man my husband is…I make sure to really drive that point home. I also review my schedule with my husband every Sunday so he knows who I’m meeting with and when, he then gives me permission to run my business.
• There is still time to have kids. I know, I know, this isn’t a question…it’s a statement…which should say it all.
• Who will take care of you in your old age? If that is your retirement plan, you are a moron. What kid wants to be strapped with their aging parents? I plan to have 100 dogs and they will probably eat me when I pass away. Too much? Ah well, thanks for asking.

I had to stop at eight or this blog was going to be a novel, maybe there will be part 2, depends on demand.

Before you get all defensive, I know these questions are not ill-intended but that in no way makes them excusable. 

Stop. Think. Then open mouth.

I’m really sick of answering these questions, I’m also sick of women being viewed as a weaker sex that somehow can’t share in the same accomplishments as a man. As women, we get defensive and begin listing all the things we do, manage and keep together to ensure everyone around us is taken care of…and we need to stop.

Listen up ladies, stop being so damn nice about sexism. Be sarcastic, forceful, abrasive, aggressive, forward (all the adjectives that are used against us) in your responses.

For example “Why don’t you have kids?”

My Answer: “My uterus was ripped out by scavenging bears, I’m lucky to be alive…thanks for bringing up that painful memory.”

See, easy peasy. Don’t let sexism win or be excused.

What is it about that name? If your name is Karen, my apologies. My sometimes partner-in-crime, Chris Andrus, wrote this great blog about standing up to customers in defense of your employees.

I can’t imagine how hard that is in the service industry, maybe you will read this and be less of an asshole to your servers. If not, stay home and make yourself some mac & cheese, cause you suck.

A lot of businesses have the approach of “the customer is always right.” One of our core values at 8THIRTYFOUR is “We Are Not Assholes,” and that applies to everyone we interact with, but that doesn’t mean we are doormats. I am fiercely protective of my staff, and sometimes that means standing up to a client if they are disrespectful or out-of-line. I have parted ways with a client due to this in the past.

Think about it for a minute, if your employee is disrespected by one of your clients and you do nothing, what does that say to them? They are less than? Their point of view is irrelevant?

Start Here:

1. Speak with your employee and ask what happened.
2. Investigate into circumstances. This could be reviewing a project, communication, etc.
3. Have a conversation with your client.
4. Come to a resolution, and sometimes that is telling your client they were out of line.

If you trust your employees, you will always err on their side. Their track record with your company speaks for itself.

The world would be better off if we all lived by the Golden Rule of treating others how you want to be treated. As a business owner, it is your job to ensure your employees feel safe and protected.

It’s time to let go of “the customer is always right,” it just isn’t true.

Every Veterans Day, I reflect back on the men and women that have served, are serving and have given the ultimate sacrifice. I have read extensively on WWII, I truly believe unless we remember history and educate ourselves on our past, we are doomed to make the same mistakes in the future.

Today, I want to recognize some of the badass women that served our country during WWII.

“There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.” – W.E.B Dubois

Night Witches

Captain Polina Osipenko (Co-Pilot and Commander of the plane), Deputy to the Supreme Soviet of the USSR Valentina Grizodubova (Navigator), and Senior Lieutenant Marina Raskova right before taking flight. (Credit: Sovfoto/UIG via Getty Images)

The 588th Soviet night bomber regiment of World War II completed over 30,000 missions over the course of four years, dropped 23,000 tons of bombs, and became so feared by Nazi forces that anyone who managed the difficult feat of taking down a pilot in the squadron would be automatically awarded an Iron Cross (the highest Nazi military honor)… the 588th regiment was also made up entirely of badass women.

They were led by Marina Raskova, considered the Amelia Earhart of the Soviet Union.

The military, unprepared for women pilots, offered them meager resources. Flyers received hand-me-down uniforms (from male soldiers), including oversized boots. They had to tear up their bedding and stuff them in their boots to get them to fit.

Their equipment wasn’t much better. The military provided them with outdated Polikarpov Po-2 biplanes, 1920s crop-dusters that had been used as training vehicles. These light two-seater, open-cockpit planes were never meant for combat. It was like a coffin with wings. Made out of plywood with canvas pulled over, the aircraft offered virtually no protection from the elements. Flying at night, pilots endured freezing temperatures, wind, and frostbite. In the harsh Soviet winters, the planes became so cold, just touching them would rip off bare skin.

Due to both the planes’ limited weight capacity and the military’s limited funds, the pilots also lacked other “luxury” items their male counterparts enjoyed. Instead of parachutes (which were too heavy to carry), radar, guns, and radios, they were forced to use more rudimentary tools such as rulers, stopwatches, flashlights, pencils, maps and compasses.

Despite being the most highly decorated unit in the Soviet Air Force during the war, the Night Witches regiment was disbanded six months after the end of World War II. And when it came to the big victory-day parade in Moscow, they weren’t included—because, it was decided, their planes were too slow.

Nancy Wake, The White Mouse

The Gestapo called her “The White Mouse” for the way she deftly avoided their traps.

She hid downed Allied servicemen at her home and led them over the Pyrenees to the safety of neutral Spain. She later helped organize thousands of French resistance fighters known as the Maquis, by meeting Allied arms drops, distributing weapons and training 7,000 partisans in preparation for the Normandy invasion.

She earned decorations from the British, French and American governments; she was belatedly honored in Australia, where she had grown up. Exact figures are hard to establish, but she was reported to have helped save many hundreds of lives.

Nancy Wake, shown in 1945, was a spy and became one the Allies’ most decorated servicewomen for her role in the French resistance during World War II. (Australian War Memorial/ASSOCIATED PRESS)

Max Hastings, a British journalist and military historian, described her as an “ardent warrior, possessed of an endless appetite for sensation.”

As her involvement in the war deepened, Ms. Wake was trained by the British to kill with her bare hands (she delivered a fatal karate chop to a sentry at an arms factory), parachute into enemy-held territory and work a machine gun.

She chomped on cigars and bested guerrilla fighters in drinking bouts. She traveled nowhere without her Chanel lipstick, face cream and a favorite red satin cushion.

“She is the most feminine woman I know until the fighting starts — then she is like five men,” a colleague in the French resistance once said.

Vera Atkins

According to author, Sarah Helm, as the head of the French Section of the British Special Operations Executive, Vera Atkins recruited, trained, and mentored special

Squadron Officer Vera Atkins, WAAF, in 1946

operatives whose job was to organize and arm the resistance in Nazi-occupied France. After the war, Atkins courageously committed herself to a dangerous search for twelve of her most cherished women spies who had gone missing in action.

Atkins also displayed formidable skills as an interrogator. Hugo Bleicher, the Abwehr officer who had reaped havoc among the French Resistance, judged her interrogation the most skillful to which he had been subjected by his captors. In March 1946 she also interrogated Rudolf Hoess, the German Commandant of Auschwitz, who had been living disguised as a farmer. When asked whether it was true that he had caused the deaths of 1.5m Jews, he indignantly protested that this was wrong: the real figure was 2,345,000.

Virginia Hall

According to History.com, the American Virginia Hall, a.k.a. the ‘Limping Lady,’ organized sabotage and rescue operations across Vichy France, paving the way for the Allied invasion. Hall had a pronounced limp due to a wooden leg as a result of a hunting accident. Her wooden leg never slowed her down, Hall became so notorious to Nazi leaders that the Gestapo dubbed her “the most dangerous of all Allied spies.” Interestingly enough, she was recruited by Vera Atkins.

In 1944, months before the D-Day invasion at Normandy, Hall rode a British torpedo ship to France, and disguised as a 60-year-old peasant woman, crisscrossed the French countryside organizing sabotage missions against the German army. In one OSS report, Hall’s team was credited with derailing freight trains, blowing up four bridges, killing 150 Nazis and capturing 500 more.

There are so many more women who served, read up on Noor Inayat Khan. Khan was a wartime British secret agent of Indian descent who was the first female radio operator sent into Nazi-occupied France by the Special Operations Executive (SOE).  In November 1943, she was sent to Pforzheim prison in Germany where she was kept in chains and in solitary confinement. Despite repeated torture, she refused to reveal any information. In September 1944, Khan and three other female SOE agents were transferred to Dachau concentration camp where on 13 September they were shot.

Join me in remembering these amazing badass women, share this blog and let’s keep their memory and sacrifices alive.

I had an interesting convo with my therapist the other day (more people should admit they see one, helps erase the stigma), we were chatting about the stress a business owner deals with every day and how it bleeds into every other aspect of your life. By the way, this was supposed to be marriage counseling, but it ended up just being me – that is a story there for another day.

In my therapist’s other life, he is a business coach. Which, if you think about it, makes perfect sense. I think what we often need, as business owners, someone to talk to with no judgment. We keep a lot of shit locked inside, we don’t want to bother our significant others, family or friends and not just that, they will never fully understand the struggle.

I wrote a blog a while back that talked about the loneliness a business owner faces. The blog is just as true today as 3 years ago when I wrote it.

What has been my saving grace in recent years is the network surrounding the Small Business Association of Michigan (SBAM). The group consists only of business owners, which means you are in a room with others that experience the same pain points, frustrations, and hurdles. It’s therapy for my mind and soul.

I’ve been talking about mental health a lot, my last blog tackled it and I’m addressing it in this one. If I can help one person by admitting my struggles, then awesome.

I also really want to help, my nature is to fix things. After chatting with my therapist, who is really cool, he and I are tossing around the idea of starting up a business owner support group. He would facilitate because we all tend to be a bit ADD.

So let me know your thoughts. Would you want to attend? What if I said there would be wine/booze/beer? Does that sway you at all?

“Do you ever just want to scream?” was the text message I sent to three of my friends last week.

There are times, we drive ourselves to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. I hope I have been honest in the past about my mental health struggles, it’s something I have dealt with since…forever. I can’t remember a time anxiety wasn’t a factor in my life. If you’re reading this, you are not alone. Repeat after me:

I AM NOT ALONE.

It really is an epidemic in our country, one that people would prefer to keep hidden. We’re embarrassed to admit it, seek treatment or talk about it with those closest to us. According to Pine Rest,  mental illnesses affect 19% of the adult population, 46% of teenagers and 13% of children each year. People struggling with their mental health may be in your family, live next door, teach your children, work in the next cubicle or sit in the same church pew.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I am one of those people that feels they can’t appear weak or less than capable – I mean aren’t we all feeling that pressure? What will my employees think? My clients? My family? My friends? My dogs (yes, I really think that).

Want to know what those badass women responded via text?

• I’ve been ornery AF.
• Schedules. Husbands. Politics. Housework. Job Work. I’m feeling the stress of it all lately.
• I was spying on my husband through our dog monitors to see if he was doing any housework while I was gone (ok, that was me).

Listen we’re all a little fucked, we live in stressful times. You gotta take care of you, spend a weekend recharging, exercise (if that’s your thing) or bring your girls together and just bitch.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I just got back from a relaxing vacation with my girlfriends, we spent our days laying on the beach, sipping cocktails and reading.

Instead of fully enjoying my vacation, I allowed negative thoughts and self-doubt to creep in the entire time.

These are thoughts I am uncomfortable sharing, because it leaves me vulnerable (and I have a reputation to uphold), however I am hoping by opening myself up you’ll cut yourself some slack.

Thought 1: I’m fat

How can I wear this suit? I would give anything for her body. I need to lose weight, eat better, drink less, exercise. I’m so gross, how can my husband even find me sexy. I hate my legs, my arms, my stomach.

I know I’m not alone in having these thoughts. How sad is it that instead of relishing the fact that I am in the Keys, hanging out with amazing women, I allow self-criticism to sneak in.

Love the body your in, so what if you have wrinkles, love handles, age spots, cellulite, thighs that rub, a plump stomach – who gives a shit.

The more often we tell each other we are beautiful, the sooner we will start to embrace who we are and ignore that voice in our head.

Thought 2: I shouldn’t be vacationing

Why did I take this vacation? There is too much going on at work, I should be at the office. If I pick up a book to read for leisure, I think “I should be reading that business book, I purchased.”

Why is it that when we take time for ourselves, the guilt creeps in. As a small business owner, I need to be working all the time – that is what I signed up for…right?

Thought 3: I’ll never be good enough

This one is a combination of all the negativity that swirls around in my head, aimed at myself.

• I suck at running my business
• I am a terrible manager
• I am an awful friend
• I don’t spend enough time with the dogs
• I am neglecting my husband
• I need to not eat that
• Don’t drink that
• I look terrible in this

If you looked at me, you would think – damn she is confident, isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, she is strong…blah blah blah. We all have self-doubts, I have a lot of them. There are times it is crippling and I go into hiding. My friends have dubbed it, “hermiting.” I don’t answer the phone, refuse to leave the house, lay in bed – I’m depressed, burned out, tired.

We expect so much of ourselves and refuse to grant ourselves any grace. Lets be the grace for each other. Reach out to another woman today and tell them they are worthy, beautiful and loved.

On this International Women’s Day, embrace your strength and cut yourself some damn slack. You are worthy.

The worst bosses I ever had…were women. I know I am not alone, many share the same experiences. These experiences have driven me to be a better leader and to cultivate opportunities for my employees that I never had. As a business owner (regardless of my gender), I need to live by example.

When reflecting back on my worst bosses, I realized they did teach me valuable leadership lessons.

1. Be transparent. By being clear with expectations for each role in your company, your employees know what is expected of them. Share with them the vision and 1 year, 3 year and 10 year goals. Understanding they are a part of something bigger, drives them to contribute in a more strategic way.
2. Support professional growth. When an employee grows professionally, the company benefits. Provide opportunities for community engagement, leadership training and more. We work with our employees to develop a professional development plan that we support as a firm.
3. Be intentional with culture. You want employees to look forward to coming to work each day. We purposefully build team bonding into our schedule – whether it is Friday Sangria or a BBQ at my house to share an updated company strategy to working on a patio for the afternoon. Employees work hard, reward them with some flexibility and fun.
4. Lead by example. This is by far the most important. We have all had those bosses that tells us one thing and do another. While I am out of the office a lot, I make it a priority to attend our team meetings, bonding sessions and hit deadlines.

Use your past ‘bad boss’ situations to drive yourself to be a better leader. Sometimes our worst experiences can be our best education.

I originally wrote this article for Huffington Post over a year ago and I doubt it will ever lose its relevance. 

“There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.” – Mean Girls

I caught myself the other day criticizing another professional woman in my same industry, because I was upset that things seemed to just ‘happen’ for her. Instead of being happy for her and congratulating her, I belittled, cut her down and openly criticized. What a bitch.

I consider myself a feminist and I am damn proud of it, hell I have an all female staff (I did at the time of writing this – welcome, Alex & Kayden!). However, feminism doesn’t give me the right to lash out at those that believe or see things differently than me. Hell that isn’t even the definition. It is about equality and that sure is hell needs to start with how we treat our own gender.

A good friend of mine asked me one time “Why do bitches cut other bitches?”
Is it low self-esteem? Do we feel threatened? Are we just assholes?

Frankly, I don’t give a shit what it is. Enough is enough. How about we come together and take the following actions instead of being complete bitches.

• Go to Facebook right now and post something nice on someone’s page that you have disagreed with in the past or got into a political argument about. I don’t care if they think the Women’s March was pointless, do it.
• Send an actual handwritten note to a woman that has done something awesome in your community. It could be a promotion, board position, award, etc. Spread the love.
• Set up drinks with someone that you disagree with politically and just listen…like shut your mouth and listen. If you don’t try to understand someone else’s point of view, then are you really any better when you are shoving yours down everyone else’s throat?
• Pause, think, breath and then act. Flying off the cuff and using emotion as your main basis for engaging is not productive.

The fact is, it is up to us to combat the mean girl disease. Do you really want to be labeled the Regina George of the world?

If we plan to run the world, we better practice what we preach.

Why, as women, do we feel the need to be liked by everyone? Why are our feelings hurt when we aren’t included? Is high school still haunting us?

I won’t get into how society or our upbringings can play a role in our need to be accepted or loved. I will say this, knock it off! I went through this a few months back and reached out to several women who I thought I had offended (who, me?) and offered to grab coffee or connect on a more personal level. The responses I received made me realize that I don’t have to be liked or be best friends with these women. I respected them on a professional level but it did not need to ever move beyond that. Why was that so hard for me to accept?

It came up in conversation again the other day when another (professional/colleague) woman and I were commenting on the fact that we had known each other for over 10 years, but it was never on a personal level. Guess what…we were both FINE with that. We both have an enormous amount of respect for each other professionally, but see no reason for it to move beyond those boundaries.

If you are struggling with the need to be liked, it is basically a disease, break down your relationships in the following ways:

1. Colleagues: These are individuals that you run into at professional events, board meetings or worked with in the past. You might meet up for  happy hour or sit together at an event, but you are not friends. They do not need to know your life story, unless you are like me and tell everyone you meet within the first 5 minutes of the conversation.
2. Co-workers: This is where personal and professional tend to blur, we often spend more time with our co-workers than our own families. They know what is going on in your personal life, you have most definitely grabbed drinks outside of work and you are brought together by common circumstances. These people will often exit your life quickly as well, usually for a new job.
3. Actual Friends: I say actual, because no matter where you are in life, these people will be with you. You don’t have to work in the same place, have the same type of job or worry about being liked by them. They will love you at your worst and support you at your best. Think back on those tough times in your life, who reached out to you? Who made the effort to support you? Who was by your side?

The fact is, no matter what, there will always be people out there who don’t like you. I am abrasive, stubborn, persistent and not shy about my beliefs – that doesn’t sit well with many people and that is ok. Don’t compromise yourself so someone else will like you.

Learning to be okay with that is hard work, but you’ll like yourself so much more for it. And guess what, I like you.

If you don’t understand what is happening in our country as it relates to the stories circulating around sexual harassment and assault, then you are not listening. Women have never had it easy as it relates to dealings with the opposite sex, yet you seldom hear us complain or make a fuss, instead we go about doing what we have been doing for years – putting it behind us and moving forward.

The fact that we, now as a nation, are discussing sexual harassment and assault and have stopped making excuses for men and their actions – tells me it is about damn time. Every single woman out there has been subjected, in some way, to inappropriate behavior – so much so that the majority of us don’t even register it as abnormal or unacceptable.

I just read a piece by Amber Tamblyn in the New York Times, called “I’m Not Ready For The Redemption Of Men.” The piece talks about how men are feeling attacked and it is time for forgiveness and understanding. Excuse me while I laugh out loud.

Tamblyn states in the article that she is not ready to forgive, forget and move on, and I couldn’t agree with her more. The fact is we have been silent WAY too long and if it makes you uncomfortable, annoyed, angry – then all the better. There are so many more stories out there to be told and so many more powerful men to topple (we’re coming for you Trump – consider this your warning), we won’t allow this behavior to be the norm, we will speak up and we will change the dialogue.

To quote Tamblyn, “We’re in the midst of a reckoning. It’s what toxic masculinity’s own medicine tastes like. And people should allow the consequences to unfold, regardless of how it affects those they consider to be friends. The only way to enforce seismic, cultural change in the way men relate to women is to draw a line deep in the sand and say: This is what we will no longer tolerate.”

Join us.