“Do you ever just want to scream?” was the text message I sent to three of my friends last week.

There are times, we drive ourselves to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. I hope I have been honest in the past about my mental health struggles, it’s something I have dealt with since…forever. I can’t remember a time anxiety wasn’t a factor in my life. If you’re reading this, you are not alone. Repeat after me:

I AM NOT ALONE.

It really is an epidemic in our country, one that people would prefer to keep hidden. We’re embarrassed to admit it, seek treatment or talk about it with those closest to us. According to Pine Rest,  mental illnesses affect 19% of the adult population, 46% of teenagers and 13% of children each year. People struggling with their mental health may be in your family, live next door, teach your children, work in the next cubicle or sit in the same church pew.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I am one of those people that feels they can’t appear weak or less than capable – I mean aren’t we all feeling that pressure? What will my employees think? My clients? My family? My friends? My dogs (yes, I really think that).

Want to know what those badass women responded via text?

• I’ve been ornery AF.
• Schedules. Husbands. Politics. Housework. Job Work. I’m feeling the stress of it all lately.
• I was spying on my husband through our dog monitors to see if he was doing any housework while I was gone (ok, that was me).

Listen we’re all a little fucked, we live in stressful times. You gotta take care of you, spend a weekend recharging, exercise (if that’s your thing) or bring your girls together and just bitch.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I turned 40 last week, and no this is not some blog manifesto…so just calm down. I’m not sure when getting older became such an awful thing, I fricken love it. For one, it means I have racked up loads of life experience and have some serious perspective on what’s important in life.

Hell, I earned these wrinkles and extra pounds…the love handles could probably take a break for a while…but eh…whatever.

Here is my list of why getting older is the best.

Friendship

The friends you have now, have seen you at your serious worst and still love you. When my insistent, bossy friend Adri told me I was having a party and I didn’t get a choice…I made one condition. Only invite the people that have loved me at my worst and remind me of my best. In other words, when I sneak off to go to bed at 9:00 p.m. (8:00 p.m.), they won’t care.

Life Experience

20 year old me knew absolutely nothing. She was struggling to figure out who she was, what she wanted and had no idea how to deal with all the anger and resentment she carried around. Age has given me perspective…it doesn’t mean I am without my flaws (I still have plenty), but it has given me the ability to see past the tiny, annoying, inconsequential shit that bothers me. It also helps that I have friends that tell me to suck it up and stop being such a whiner.

Emotion

I am quite uncomfortable with hugs, touching in general, tears…you get the drift. I’m still a weirdo about it, but I am confident by 60 I’ll be able to hug someone without getting awkward and rambling on about the time I got my period, went through a divorce or stole a dog out of my neighbor’s yard (I will never admit a thing).

Gratitude

Holy cow balls I have a lot to be thankful for, you don’t realize how great you have it until you have been through times where shit was really really really hard and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Look around…you are surrounded by blessings, you just need to get past yourself to see them.

I’m thankful for a husband that didn’t leave me when I got a 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th dog. The man really is a saint, and he never uses technology…so he will never read this.

I am surrounded by the chaos of my doing. Dog mom, business owner, friend, wife, sister, daughter…this is 40, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now that the frozen song is stuck in your head, I will get to my point.

There have been a few things bothering me, I just can’t seem to get past it. Silly. Why is it when so much good is happening in our lives, we can’t get past the miniscule shit.

Here are my tips in getting past the really dumb negative crap. In full transparency, I am writing this so I follow my own dumb advice.

Make a List

…and check it twice, actually, 100 times should do it. Write down 10 things that are completely kickass that have happened to you. Maybe it is your 40th birthday party, that you didn’t want, but are secretly thrilled so many people care about. Or…the addition of a 7th dog, because people are dumb and give away their animals when shit gets complicated. Write it down, read it at night, read it in the morning, tattoo that shit on your arm and don’t fucking forget it.

Phone a friend

Call one of those badasses you consider a friend and talk it out. Then call another one and do it again, then text another one and rehash the whole damn thing. If they are great friends, they’ll listen, sympathize and then tell you to get the hell over it.

Write a blog

Apparently, it is therapeutic for me. Maybe all you guys are like my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Aah…you like me, you really like me.

Move, the f**k on

I know it’s easier said than done, I told you that already. Mope around a bit, feel sorry for yourself, and then suck it up buttercup, you got shit to do.

The world is bigger than our stupid problems and we need to check our pessimism at the door and force ourselves to be positive. There are so many great things happening to YOU, to ME, to ALL of us. Let’s build each other up, you never know who is struggling, don’t assume you know their story.

Ladies Listen Up, is going to be an ongoing series because…I have so much to say!

With 40, right around the corner, I’ve become really wise or maybe it’s really tired…either way, I’m sharing all my deep thoughts with all of you.

Lets talk friendship.

I’ve been told it gets harder to make friends as you get older, I haven’t found that to be true…but I also care a lot less. Maybe that is the key to successful friendships in your later years, you just stop giving a shit what everyone thinks.

The other key to great friendships, less is more.

Be You

If you can’t be around me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t get me at my best. I don’t have time for fake shit or pretending life is all sunshine and unicorns. I have time for honest conversations, gifs, wine in pajamas, dog pictures, wine, and lady vacations. Life is hard, why have ‘friends’ that you only show a portion of your life to?

I want the friends that will drop off soup at my house when I am sick, will let my dogs out when I am suffering from a sinus infection so bad I can’t get out of bed, bring me pizza rolls when I’m having a bad day, send me funny girl power cards, celebrate professional achievements, put together furniture at a new house, tell me I’m a bitch, point out when I am wrong, sit with me when I lose a furkid and value friend vacays as much, if not more than family vacations.

Forgiveness

I’m a real dick sometimes, I know that comes as a surprise…to no one. When one of my friends told me she was pregnant, I cried out of sadness for myself…I had lost another friend to a baby. She told me I was ridiculous and in the moment we should have been celebrating her happy news, she reassured me I wouldn’t lose her.

It took me a day to come around, and she still loved me in spite of my selfishness. I have countless other stories, that illustrate my awesomeness, but to save face…I’m not going to share them.

My point is, your friends love you at your worst and forgive you for it.

Quality

As you get older, you’ll find that you have less time for everything. When we were younger, did we really think, more was better? That having more friends, achieved some sort of status? Made us cool?

Screw that.

Life is too short to stress yourself out doing all this crap you don’t really want to do, with people that at the end of the day, will never be there for you outside of a surface level.

Give

Back to the quality over quantity, if you have this huge group of who you deem ‘close’ friends, how great of a friend are you? Can you really be the friend, you would want someone else to be? I guess, you could make it your full-time job?

All those times you need that person to be there for you? You sure as hell better be there for them. That’s what friends do, they are there through the good, bad and ugly.

The great thing about friendship as you age, those bitches are always going to be there for you.