Now that the frozen song is stuck in your head, I will get to my point.

There have been a few things bothering me, I just can’t seem to get past it. Silly. Why is it when so much good is happening in our lives, we can’t get past the miniscule shit.

Here are my tips in getting past the really dumb negative crap. In full transparency, I am writing this so I follow my own dumb advice.

Make a List

…and check it twice, actually, 100 times should do it. Write down 10 things that are completely kickass that have happened to you. Maybe it is your 40th birthday party, that you didn’t want, but are secretly thrilled so many people care about. Or…the addition of a 7th dog, because people are dumb and give away their animals when shit gets complicated. Write it down, read it at night, read it in the morning, tattoo that shit on your arm and don’t fucking forget it.

Phone a friend

Call one of those badasses you consider a friend and talk it out. Then call another one and do it again, then text another one and rehash the whole damn thing. If they are great friends, they’ll listen, sympathize and then tell you to get the hell over it.

Write a blog

Apparently, it is therapeutic for me. Maybe all you guys are like my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Aah…you like me, you really like me.

Move, the f**k on

I know it’s easier said than done, I told you that already. Mope around a bit, feel sorry for yourself, and then suck it up buttercup, you got shit to do.

The world is bigger than our stupid problems and we need to check our pessimism at the door and force ourselves to be positive. There are so many great things happening to YOU, to ME, to ALL of us. Let’s build each other up, you never know who is struggling, don’t assume you know their story.

I just got back from a relaxing vacation with my girlfriends, we spent our days laying on the beach, sipping cocktails and reading.

Instead of fully enjoying my vacation, I allowed negative thoughts and self-doubt to creep in the entire time.

These are thoughts I am uncomfortable sharing, because it leaves me vulnerable (and I have a reputation to uphold), however I am hoping by opening myself up you’ll cut yourself some slack.

Thought 1: I’m fat

How can I wear this suit? I would give anything for her body. I need to lose weight, eat better, drink less, exercise. I’m so gross, how can my husband even find me sexy. I hate my legs, my arms, my stomach.

I know I’m not alone in having these thoughts. How sad is it that instead of relishing the fact that I am in the Keys, hanging out with amazing women, I allow self-criticism to sneak in.

Love the body your in, so what if you have wrinkles, love handles, age spots, cellulite, thighs that rub, a plump stomach – who gives a shit.

The more often we tell each other we are beautiful, the sooner we will start to embrace who we are and ignore that voice in our head.

Thought 2: I shouldn’t be vacationing

Why did I take this vacation? There is too much going on at work, I should be at the office. If I pick up a book to read for leisure, I think “I should be reading that business book, I purchased.”

Why is it that when we take time for ourselves, the guilt creeps in. As a small business owner, I need to be working all the time – that is what I signed up for…right?

Thought 3: I’ll never be good enough

This one is a combination of all the negativity that swirls around in my head, aimed at myself.

• I suck at running my business
• I am a terrible manager
• I am an awful friend
• I don’t spend enough time with the dogs
• I am neglecting my husband
• I need to not eat that
• Don’t drink that
• I look terrible in this

If you looked at me, you would think – damn she is confident, isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, she is strong…blah blah blah. We all have self-doubts, I have a lot of them. There are times it is crippling and I go into hiding. My friends have dubbed it, “hermiting.” I don’t answer the phone, refuse to leave the house, lay in bed – I’m depressed, burned out, tired.

We expect so much of ourselves and refuse to grant ourselves any grace. Lets be the grace for each other. Reach out to another woman today and tell them they are worthy, beautiful and loved.

On this International Women’s Day, embrace your strength and cut yourself some damn slack. You are worthy.

Be comfortable with change is the best piece of advice I can offer you. Life is going to throw a lot of curve balls your way, so line up to catch them and throw them the f**k back.

8THIRTYFOUR is 12 years old (maybe 13 – I lose track) and there is not a single day that I wasn’t surprised or caught off-guard by something; there is a reason people don’t own businesses – it is fucking hard. If you can become comfortable with things constantly being in influx, and create a plan for how to deal with disruptions – you almost begin to look forward to them (that is 100% an exaggeration), the good thing is you know how to tackle the unexpected, deal with it and move on.

The other fun part about change is communicating throughout the entire organization, in a way that is positive and exciting. Anytime there is change, there is opportunity. Stop looking at change as a disruption, instead see the possibilities that accompany it.

Next time the unexpected happens, do the following.

1. Breathe. Don’t react. Any action you take within the first 15 minutes of a disruption, is going to be reactionary and definitely not well-thought out.
2. Ponder. If I know a big decision is coming, I reflect on it. I take a few days, sometimes a week (if time allows) and let my mind look at all the possibilities.
3. Analyze. Now that you have slowed down and pondered, it is time to determine the ripple effects on your company, staff, community, personal life etc.
4. Plan. You have thought it out and you know what you have to do, write it out, timeline it and communicate it.
5. Go. Get moving, you have the plan and the ability to turn this disruption into an opportunity.

Remember, when shit hits the fan – find the opportunity and put on your positive pants.

I have been thinking about leadership quite a bit this week, probably because I am in the middle of the woods with 6 dogs and a shitty wifi connection. I’ve been reading a lot on Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG), so I am going to use her as my inspiration.

People, myself included, get leadership and management confused. Leadership is how you approach and deal with different situations, it doesn’t have to mean you oversee people. For example, you notice that the garbage is full and you bring it out. You don’t stop and announce to everyone what you are doing, you just do it. Leaders don’t seek praise, if anything it makes them uncomfortable.

When RBG was asked to apply for a board position with the ACLU, candidates were expected to discuss their career highlights, major accomplishments and tout how great they would be in the position. RBG was so self-effacing and kept giving everyone else the credit (for some of the landmark cases she won), that the board elected her on good-faith, due to her past performance with the ACLU. Her peers and ACLU staff members, were ultimately responsible for her getting elected.

There is no perfect leader, but if you want to be one, I recommend keeping the below in mind at all times. A very smart person, once said to pick 3 and make those the lens in which you assess all situations.

1. Caring. This should speak for itself, if not, let me say this: don’t be a dick. You can have a very direct communication style and still really see the other person.
2. Patient (I didn’t say a master of it). I suck at this, I have a tendency to outline my requests in a way that seems perfectly clear to me and is incredibly confusing to everyone else. This often leads to annoyance on my part and frustration on the other end. Which leads me to my 3rd point.
3. Self-aware. Know your weaknesses, strengths and everything in between. This allows you to elevate others while staying focused on what you are good at.
4. Lead by example. The saying “do what I say, not what I do,” is utter bullshit. Be the first to lend a hand, step in when someone is struggling, take the time to show and teach and be kind. Do the right thing, regardless of who is watching.
5. Mentor. I encourage team 834 to work with our interns or first-year associates to help them become accustomed to our culture, processes and brand. By setting up others for success, you yourself succeed in gaining valuable experience in leadership.
6. Self-effacing. Don’t claim attention for yourself, share the love. RBG did this and she is a Supreme Court justice. Being a narcissist never turns out well, as history will soon show.

There is so much more to leadership, but these are the six things I try so hard to incorporate into my daily life. A leader isn’t a manager, a leader is who others strive to be.

How do you want to be remembered?

“Someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability. And to help repair tears in her society, to make things a little better through the use of whatever ability she has. To do something, outside myself. ‘Cause I’ve gotten much more satisfaction for the things that I’ve done for which I was not paid.” – Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a true leader

Most entrepreneurs and business owners fail terribly a leading. No one tells you when you start your business, that you will someday have to manage an entire team. At the time, you are too busy trying to not go broke. It’s probably a good thing that most entrepreneurs can’t see past the week they’re living in, we would have a nervous breakdown.

Over my 11 years at 8THIRTYFOUR, I’ve stumbled upon the following lessons (and I mean stumbled).

1. You are in the spotlight. Whether you like it or not, everyone is watching what you do. Your employees, community, clients, partners, family, dog…you name it; your every action and decision is under the microscope. Self-awareness is key, especially after you make a bad decision.
2. Personal and professional is blurred. Most people spend more time with their co-workers than they do their own families, which means you will know a lot about each individual that reports to you. A good work environment, encourages team bonding and presents opportunities for employees/managers to get to know each other on a more personal level. The catch is, you will know WAY more than you want to about your employees. Safeguard that information and respect their privacy.
3. Not everyone is a winner. This may seem harsh, but when we started moving to EOS (Entrepreneurial Operating System), it took the emotion out of staff/employee decisions. You have to make the right decisions for the company and that means, right person/right position. Rip the bandaid off when it comes to low performers, if they are not a fit for your culture, then work with them to transition to a new job.
4. Everyone looks to you for the answer. You are going to get asked a lot of questions, some you know, most you don’t. Unfortunately for you, you’re the only one they can go to. Empower employees to make their own decisions, but also have designated times they can come to you with questions and solutions.
5. Leadership is lonely. I wrote a pretty emotional and raw blog about this awhile back, running a business is hard. You can’t delegate running the company to someone else, if a big problem hits – buck stops with you.

What leadership lessons would you share? I am always open to learning and adapting based on what I learn. Great leaders don’t happen overnight, they make a lot of mistakes on the way.

The worst bosses I ever had…were women. I know I am not alone, many share the same experiences. These experiences have driven me to be a better leader and to cultivate opportunities for my employees that I never had. As a business owner (regardless of my gender), I need to live by example.

When reflecting back on my worst bosses, I realized they did teach me valuable leadership lessons.

1. Be transparent. By being clear with expectations for each role in your company, your employees know what is expected of them. Share with them the vision and 1 year, 3 year and 10 year goals. Understanding they are a part of something bigger, drives them to contribute in a more strategic way.
2. Support professional growth. When an employee grows professionally, the company benefits. Provide opportunities for community engagement, leadership training and more. We work with our employees to develop a professional development plan that we support as a firm.
3. Be intentional with culture. You want employees to look forward to coming to work each day. We purposefully build team bonding into our schedule – whether it is Friday Sangria or a BBQ at my house to share an updated company strategy to working on a patio for the afternoon. Employees work hard, reward them with some flexibility and fun.
4. Lead by example. This is by far the most important. We have all had those bosses that tells us one thing and do another. While I am out of the office a lot, I make it a priority to attend our team meetings, bonding sessions and hit deadlines.

Use your past ‘bad boss’ situations to drive yourself to be a better leader. Sometimes our worst experiences can be our best education.

I was labeled a pessimist the other day and my first reaction was to be defensive. Let’s be honest, pessimism is not viewed favorably; we are considered the Eeyores of the world, which is associated with negativity.

Side note: Someone had to be a pessimist in that group. Pooh had no common sense, Tigger was rash and reactive in his decision making and Piglet was terrified of his own shadow. They probably should have given Eeyore a little more credit.

Being a pessimist, that’s right I’ll admit it, has allowed me to succeed as a business owner. I do not walk around singing show tunes, I have a serious case of RBF (resting bitch face) and past bosses have called me abrasive and pushy. All of this is true, although I do occasionally hum the Greatest Showman soundtrack, and I am not going to apologize for it.

The way I approach a lot of situations in the business world are grounded in my pessimistic tendencies and have built a successful foundation for 8THIRTYFOUR.

1. I always analyze the shit out of everything. I overthink every interaction, situation, communication…and it has made me very intuitive when faced with difficult decisions. I notice everything…everything.
2. I hope for the best and plan for the worst. Running a business is really, really hard and it is a journey full of constant twists and turns – you have to plan for the unexpected. You also need to roll with the punches, which is not something us pessimists do well.
3. My self-awareness is off the charts. I take criticism well and it has made me a better boss and colleague. I internalize, overthink it and at times make myself sick over it…but the process is well-worth the results.

While pessimism has served me well, it needs to be in moderation. It cannot take over your life; use it to motivate you, but remember to take time to focus and reflect on the great things.

Lastly, don’t be ashamed to be a pessimist, own it and acknowledge the good that comes from it.

P.S. Being a pessimist is good for your health. 

I originally wrote this article for Huffington Post over a year ago and I doubt it will ever lose its relevance. 

“There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.” – Mean Girls

I caught myself the other day criticizing another professional woman in my same industry, because I was upset that things seemed to just ‘happen’ for her. Instead of being happy for her and congratulating her, I belittled, cut her down and openly criticized. What a bitch.

I consider myself a feminist and I am damn proud of it, hell I have an all female staff (I did at the time of writing this – welcome, Alex & Kayden!). However, feminism doesn’t give me the right to lash out at those that believe or see things differently than me. Hell that isn’t even the definition. It is about equality and that sure is hell needs to start with how we treat our own gender.

A good friend of mine asked me one time “Why do bitches cut other bitches?”
Is it low self-esteem? Do we feel threatened? Are we just assholes?

Frankly, I don’t give a shit what it is. Enough is enough. How about we come together and take the following actions instead of being complete bitches.

• Go to Facebook right now and post something nice on someone’s page that you have disagreed with in the past or got into a political argument about. I don’t care if they think the Women’s March was pointless, do it.
• Send an actual handwritten note to a woman that has done something awesome in your community. It could be a promotion, board position, award, etc. Spread the love.
• Set up drinks with someone that you disagree with politically and just listen…like shut your mouth and listen. If you don’t try to understand someone else’s point of view, then are you really any better when you are shoving yours down everyone else’s throat?
• Pause, think, breath and then act. Flying off the cuff and using emotion as your main basis for engaging is not productive.

The fact is, it is up to us to combat the mean girl disease. Do you really want to be labeled the Regina George of the world?

If we plan to run the world, we better practice what we preach.

Why, as women, do we feel the need to be liked by everyone? Why are our feelings hurt when we aren’t included? Is high school still haunting us?

I won’t get into how society or our upbringings can play a role in our need to be accepted or loved. I will say this, knock it off! I went through this a few months back and reached out to several women who I thought I had offended (who, me?) and offered to grab coffee or connect on a more personal level. The responses I received made me realize that I don’t have to be liked or be best friends with these women. I respected them on a professional level but it did not need to ever move beyond that. Why was that so hard for me to accept?

It came up in conversation again the other day when another (professional/colleague) woman and I were commenting on the fact that we had known each other for over 10 years, but it was never on a personal level. Guess what…we were both FINE with that. We both have an enormous amount of respect for each other professionally, but see no reason for it to move beyond those boundaries.

If you are struggling with the need to be liked, it is basically a disease, break down your relationships in the following ways:

1. Colleagues: These are individuals that you run into at professional events, board meetings or worked with in the past. You might meet up for  happy hour or sit together at an event, but you are not friends. They do not need to know your life story, unless you are like me and tell everyone you meet within the first 5 minutes of the conversation.
2. Co-workers: This is where personal and professional tend to blur, we often spend more time with our co-workers than our own families. They know what is going on in your personal life, you have most definitely grabbed drinks outside of work and you are brought together by common circumstances. These people will often exit your life quickly as well, usually for a new job.
3. Actual Friends: I say actual, because no matter where you are in life, these people will be with you. You don’t have to work in the same place, have the same type of job or worry about being liked by them. They will love you at your worst and support you at your best. Think back on those tough times in your life, who reached out to you? Who made the effort to support you? Who was by your side?

The fact is, no matter what, there will always be people out there who don’t like you. I am abrasive, stubborn, persistent and not shy about my beliefs – that doesn’t sit well with many people and that is ok. Don’t compromise yourself so someone else will like you.

Learning to be okay with that is hard work, but you’ll like yourself so much more for it. And guess what, I like you.

It seems all you hear  talk about these days is the need for skilled, STEM and high-tech candidates. A recent article by the Washington Post titled, Forget coding. It’s the soft skills, stupid. And that’s what schools should be teaching, states that while software development skills are desired by employers the skill that is much more in demand is the ability to communicate.

This is a discussion we have frequently around the office, while we need individuals that understand PR, digital, marketing and design; what we need the most is those that are able to problem solve, be empathetic, lead, show gratitude, work in teams and more.

Soft skills, as defined by the dictionary, are: personal attributes that enable someone to interact effectively and harmoniously with other people.

Let’s just step back a minute and reflect on how we got to the point where job candidates are unable to think independently, interact with other humans and are incapable of saying ‘thank you’ and ‘please.’

Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor, has found that praising children for their intelligence, rather than for their effort, often leads them to give up when they encounter the unknown. It’s much better, in her opinion, to compliment children for their persistence. People perform better when they can focus on things they can control rather than things they cannot.

When I entered the workforce, I took a blue collar upbringing and mentality and applied it to a white collar job. I was told to work smarter, not harder – which went against everything I was taught growing up. I watched my dad work 30+ years as a pipe fitter at GM, where he took on a leadership position in the union. He worked harder and smarter – it wasn’t an either/or scenario.

Todays college graduates struggle with problem solving, if the answer or solution isn’t readily available to them they give up. If they can’t find the answer digitally, it must not exist.

We are handicapping the current and future generations by overfilling their days with structured play or organized activities – gone are the days where you were told to use your imagination. Our parents didn’t care if we were bored, we were told to figure it out, occupy our own time and if there was an issue or argument with other kids – solve it.

Showing up for your job will not earn you a trophy, it earns you a paycheck. My advice to college graduates is work harder and smarter than the rest and ALWAYS say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

And to the parents raising little, let them be bored, tell them to use their imaginations and limit their interaction with devices and technology. The world doesn’t hand out trophies for paying your bills and showing up for the job you were hired for.