Coming back from a holiday weekend is kind of a nightmare. I woke up this a.m. completely overwhelmed with all the things I needed to get done and a foreboding about all the meetings my dumba** decided to line up on the day after a holiday weekend (who does that). I figured, let’s procrastinate a bit more by writing this blog on cutting yourself some slack.

Here is how you survive this Monday disguised as a Tuesday.

• Drink at least a gallon of coffee before you even think of looking at those emails…I promise you’ll be so highly caffeinated you will be too worried about your skyrocketing heart rate to even flinch at the hundreds of unread emails.
• Reschedule those damn meetings. After the holiday weekend you is smarter than before the holiday weekend you. I don’t care what excuses you come up with, they don’t even have to be good…it’s worth it to retain whatever sanity you have left after a 4-day weekend.
• Review all the overdue tasks you were supposed to get done before the 4-day holiday weekend then breath into a paper bag. Once you’ve concluded with your anxiety attack, write down the 3 things you absolutely have to get done today.
• Start drinking some water, your liver will thank you.
• Pet a dog.
• Take to social media and Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Tweet your stress of this Monday disguised as a Tuesday. The camaraderie will do you good, and you’ll realize you are not alone.
• Read blogs similar to this about surviving a 4-day weekend. Be sure to share this one, this stellar advice will really help them.
• Be sure to phone a friend to also talk about how overwhelmed you are.

Finally, once you are done procrastinating, it should be around 5:00 p.m. and you’ve successfully postponed the inevitable until the following day.

Many of you reading this know I have this saying tattooed on my arm, it is my reminder that growth is never easy and requires all of us to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. My father worked at GM as a pipefitter for 30 or so years, he was great at his job, but he certainly didn’t love it. I get my stubbornness and work ethic from him and my drive to constantly try new things. He knew his job would stay relatively the same so he sought out leadership in other ways, he became a committeeman for the UAW which allowed him to put his negotiation and people skills to the test. I know it stressed him out, but I also know he found fulfillment in the role more so than he did his day-to-day job.

He taught me to never settle and to constantly seek out opportunities that may be scary but ultimately provided growth (he is also where I got my “f*ck this attitude”). This mindset is what pushed me to start my own business, I was no longer challenged in my current job. That job was secure, comfortable and there was no risk…it was also boring the hell out of me. I went back to “find comfort in the uncomfortable,” and made the leap to 8THIRTYFOUR and I crashed and burned splendidly.

I had a good 9 months or so and then my personal life went to absolute hell in a handbasket and I sought out the security and comfort I thought I needed to survive. I stayed in this comfort zone for a good 10 months or so and it sucked the life out of me and beat me down. Everything I prided myself on – tenacity, grit, outspokenness, self-confidence was stripped away. By the time I came to my senses, I would spend years building all of those traits back up again.

Seeking out uncomfortable whether it is for the sake of growth or for standing up for what you believe in often goes hand in hand with criticism, failure, and a lot of self-reflection. You have to give up being “liked” and settle for being true to yourself. Is it worth it? You’ll need to decide that for yourself, I can only tell you that I have made a lot of missteps but I’ve also grown considerably in how I lead and do.

At the end of the day, you need to believe in yourself and realize anything worth achieving comes with sacrifice.

Today is International Women’s Day, a day to celebrate women and their achievements internationally. It’s nice we get a day, isn’t it? The 2021 theme is “Choose to challenge.”

In the spirit of challenging, I’d like to stop thanking men or rewarding them for being “allies.” Why the hell do we spend a day or hell our lives acknowledging men who uncharacteristically didn’t treat us like shit? I, for one, refuse to give men credit or thank them for where the hell I am in my career. Apparently, the rationale is we can’t ascend the corporate ladder or to the c-suite unless men take us along with them or support us in our pursuit of leadership positions.

No.

I started 8THIRTYFOUR because it was clear the traditional path to leadership was closed to me. Here is what I want you to take from this blog, we as women must be brash, bold and absolutely unapologetic. This doesn’t mean you bulldoze through people, it means you push, pull, and barrel through barriers to get what you want.

Women who make history are not polite or reserved. Take Eleanor Roosevelt, for example, she was a feminist and civil rights leader before we even knew what to call them. People either loved her or hated her, but regardless she persisted in her journey to ensure the unrepresented were represented.

If you aspire to be liked by everyone, you will never achieve your dreams. This is a hard pill for women to swallow, our empathetic nature drives us to be well-liked. In fact, it will always be something you struggle with. I am not liked by all, I’ve been told I am an “acquired taste,” not exactly a ringing endorsement but I’m actually pretty damn proud of it. I am loyal and fiercely protect those I love, but I also call out injustice when I see it. Does it bother me when I hear about negative things said about me or gossip between other women who dislike me for the personality I was born with? Yes, it does. Acknowledge it, see what you can learn from it, and then move the hell on.

At the end of the day, a man is not going to get you where you want to be professionally nor is anyone else. I am not saying relationships are not important, they absolutely are, however, you have to believe in yourself and your capabilities first.

Be brash, bold, and unapologetic. Let’s make some history.

Let’s get back to where we left off in Part 1: Pivot!, I wanted to go into more detail about the steps we took, the organizations that stepped up in a big way and how we set 8THIRTYFOUR up to move forward.

To say life changed overnight for us would be an understatement, it was like all that we knew was turned on its head and we had to start rebuilding immediately. What I’m going to share with you below, we outlined in less than 24 hours and implemented in less than 48 hours. There are 4 phases – assess, educate, plan and action; we’ll cover the first two in this blog. We are still in the action phase, which we anticipate will last us for a while.

The reason we were successful, was because we acted quickly, we had tough, honest discussions as a leadership team, we each had a role and we took ownership and because our culture was built on honesty, transparency, and empathy. If we were not an EOS company and we didn’t have the existing culture we had, I can honestly say we would be one of the businesses that closed our doors forever.

Step 1: Assess:

As soon as we lost business, we took a hard look at our finances, current workload, and asked ourselves the following:

1. What $$ was anticipated within the next 30 days? What did we actually expect to receive?
2. With that revenue number in hand, we then took a look at expenses – utilities, rent, salaries, technology, and more. What could we cut? Where could we negotiate? What could we delay?

We had our numbers, we had our projections and now we needed to anticipate next steps:

1. If we cut staff, would the workload be manageable for the remaining staff? What slack would leadership need to pick up?
2. If cutting staff isn’t enough, how much could we scale back salaries temporarily and still retain employees?
3. What other clients would we lose? How would this impact us on a monthly basis?
4. What options are out there for us for financial support?

We imagined the worst-case scenario and then we planned back from there.

Step 2: Educate

I honestly believe this is an area where a lot of businesses dropped the ball, and it caused a lot of anger and ultimately some pretty disgusting protests at the capital. At the end of the day, you can only control what you can control and you gotta suck it up and move forward. This shit is hard on everyone, I have zero tolerance for whining and anger. It is your job as a business owner to educate yourself and explore every possible resource out there, instead of sitting around bitching about how unfair life is. Do that by yourself with a bottle of wine, your employees deserve better.

In the beginning, no one had any idea on how long this would last, how our businesses would be affected, or what we could even do to offset the inevitable hurt coming our way.

The following organizations, associations, and companies were our lifeline.

1. Small Business Association of Michigan: Each day at 3:00 p.m., SBAM held briefings to share the latest news, resources, and what small businesses could expect moving forward. Every single day, including weekends. It was invaluable, they pivoted their entire operation and all staff was focused on COVID-19 and helping small businesses navigate the new normal. This was how we got the much-needed clarification on the PPP (paycheck protection program).
2. Grand Rapids Chamber: I wasn’t personally on these calls, but our office manager was. The topics ranged from laying off employees, PPP, financial assistance, insurance and safely reopening. I have never been more grateful for my membership.
3. Hungerford Nichols: Our accounting firm is a bunch of badasses. They checked in, just to see how we were and answered the countless questions we had around taxes and PPP. Heather, their marketing person sent me messages each week with words of encouragement. I love this company.
4. West Michigan Law: Our lawyer Adam is funny, sarcastic and blunt – it’s everything you could ever want for legal representation. I had the most random questions for him and texted him at all hours. In response, I got sound advice and some pretty great memes.

Let’s be honest, anything the government put out was unclear and difficult to navigate, these organizations stepped up in a big big way, working around the clock to help us. It wasn’t just companies, it was the countless people that reached out to me and the list is long. I had the support of other business owners, friends, colleagues, and family. I wrote a note for these peeps, I’ll share access to soon.

In part 3 of this riveting blog series, I’ll tackle the planning and action phase.

Now that the frozen song is stuck in your head, I will get to my point.

There have been a few things bothering me, I just can’t seem to get past it. Silly. Why is it when so much good is happening in our lives, we can’t get past the miniscule shit.

Here are my tips in getting past the really dumb negative crap. In full transparency, I am writing this so I follow my own dumb advice.

Make a List

…and check it twice, actually, 100 times should do it. Write down 10 things that are completely kickass that have happened to you. Maybe it is your 40th birthday party, that you didn’t want, but are secretly thrilled so many people care about. Or…the addition of a 7th dog, because people are dumb and give away their animals when shit gets complicated. Write it down, read it at night, read it in the morning, tattoo that shit on your arm and don’t fucking forget it.

Phone a friend

Call one of those badasses you consider a friend and talk it out. Then call another one and do it again, then text another one and rehash the whole damn thing. If they are great friends, they’ll listen, sympathize and then tell you to get the hell over it.

Write a blog

Apparently, it is therapeutic for me. Maybe all you guys are like my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Aah…you like me, you really like me.

Move, the f**k on

I know it’s easier said than done, I told you that already. Mope around a bit, feel sorry for yourself, and then suck it up buttercup, you got shit to do.

The world is bigger than our stupid problems and we need to check our pessimism at the door and force ourselves to be positive. There are so many great things happening to YOU, to ME, to ALL of us. Let’s build each other up, you never know who is struggling, don’t assume you know their story.

I just got back from a relaxing vacation with my girlfriends, we spent our days laying on the beach, sipping cocktails and reading.

Instead of fully enjoying my vacation, I allowed negative thoughts and self-doubt to creep in the entire time.

These are thoughts I am uncomfortable sharing, because it leaves me vulnerable (and I have a reputation to uphold), however I am hoping by opening myself up you’ll cut yourself some slack.

Thought 1: I’m fat

How can I wear this suit? I would give anything for her body. I need to lose weight, eat better, drink less, exercise. I’m so gross, how can my husband even find me sexy. I hate my legs, my arms, my stomach.

I know I’m not alone in having these thoughts. How sad is it that instead of relishing the fact that I am in the Keys, hanging out with amazing women, I allow self-criticism to sneak in.

Love the body your in, so what if you have wrinkles, love handles, age spots, cellulite, thighs that rub, a plump stomach – who gives a shit.

The more often we tell each other we are beautiful, the sooner we will start to embrace who we are and ignore that voice in our head.

Thought 2: I shouldn’t be vacationing

Why did I take this vacation? There is too much going on at work, I should be at the office. If I pick up a book to read for leisure, I think “I should be reading that business book, I purchased.”

Why is it that when we take time for ourselves, the guilt creeps in. As a small business owner, I need to be working all the time – that is what I signed up for…right?

Thought 3: I’ll never be good enough

This one is a combination of all the negativity that swirls around in my head, aimed at myself.

• I suck at running my business
• I am a terrible manager
• I am an awful friend
• I don’t spend enough time with the dogs
• I am neglecting my husband
• I need to not eat that
• Don’t drink that
• I look terrible in this

If you looked at me, you would think – damn she is confident, isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, she is strong…blah blah blah. We all have self-doubts, I have a lot of them. There are times it is crippling and I go into hiding. My friends have dubbed it, “hermiting.” I don’t answer the phone, refuse to leave the house, lay in bed – I’m depressed, burned out, tired.

We expect so much of ourselves and refuse to grant ourselves any grace. Lets be the grace for each other. Reach out to another woman today and tell them they are worthy, beautiful and loved.

On this International Women’s Day, embrace your strength and cut yourself some damn slack. You are worthy.

Be comfortable with change is the best piece of advice I can offer you. Life is going to throw a lot of curve balls your way, so line up to catch them and throw them the f**k back.

8THIRTYFOUR is 12 years old (maybe 13 – I lose track) and there is not a single day that I wasn’t surprised or caught off-guard by something; there is a reason people don’t own businesses – it is fucking hard. If you can become comfortable with things constantly being in influx, and create a plan for how to deal with disruptions – you almost begin to look forward to them (that is 100% an exaggeration), the good thing is you know how to tackle the unexpected, deal with it and move on.

The other fun part about change is communicating throughout the entire organization, in a way that is positive and exciting. Anytime there is change, there is opportunity. Stop looking at change as a disruption, instead see the possibilities that accompany it.

Next time the unexpected happens, do the following.

1. Breathe. Don’t react. Any action you take within the first 15 minutes of a disruption, is going to be reactionary and definitely not well-thought out.
2. Ponder. If I know a big decision is coming, I reflect on it. I take a few days, sometimes a week (if time allows) and let my mind look at all the possibilities.
3. Analyze. Now that you have slowed down and pondered, it is time to determine the ripple effects on your company, staff, community, personal life etc.
4. Plan. You have thought it out and you know what you have to do, write it out, timeline it and communicate it.
5. Go. Get moving, you have the plan and the ability to turn this disruption into an opportunity.

Remember, when shit hits the fan – find the opportunity and put on your positive pants.

I have been thinking about leadership quite a bit this week, probably because I am in the middle of the woods with 6 dogs and a shitty wifi connection. I’ve been reading a lot on Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG), so I am going to use her as my inspiration.

People, myself included, get leadership and management confused. Leadership is how you approach and deal with different situations, it doesn’t have to mean you oversee people. For example, you notice that the garbage is full and you bring it out. You don’t stop and announce to everyone what you are doing, you just do it. Leaders don’t seek praise, if anything it makes them uncomfortable.

When RBG was asked to apply for a board position with the ACLU, candidates were expected to discuss their career highlights, major accomplishments and tout how great they would be in the position. RBG was so self-effacing and kept giving everyone else the credit (for some of the landmark cases she won), that the board elected her on good-faith, due to her past performance with the ACLU. Her peers and ACLU staff members, were ultimately responsible for her getting elected.

There is no perfect leader, but if you want to be one, I recommend keeping the below in mind at all times. A very smart person, once said to pick 3 and make those the lens in which you assess all situations.

1. Caring. This should speak for itself, if not, let me say this: don’t be a dick. You can have a very direct communication style and still really see the other person.
2. Patient (I didn’t say a master of it). I suck at this, I have a tendency to outline my requests in a way that seems perfectly clear to me and is incredibly confusing to everyone else. This often leads to annoyance on my part and frustration on the other end. Which leads me to my 3rd point.
3. Self-aware. Know your weaknesses, strengths and everything in between. This allows you to elevate others while staying focused on what you are good at.
4. Lead by example. The saying “do what I say, not what I do,” is utter bullshit. Be the first to lend a hand, step in when someone is struggling, take the time to show and teach and be kind. Do the right thing, regardless of who is watching.
5. Mentor. I encourage team 834 to work with our interns or first-year associates to help them become accustomed to our culture, processes and brand. By setting up others for success, you yourself succeed in gaining valuable experience in leadership.
6. Self-effacing. Don’t claim attention for yourself, share the love. RBG did this and she is a Supreme Court justice. Being a narcissist never turns out well, as history will soon show.

There is so much more to leadership, but these are the six things I try so hard to incorporate into my daily life. A leader isn’t a manager, a leader is who others strive to be.

How do you want to be remembered?

“Someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability. And to help repair tears in her society, to make things a little better through the use of whatever ability she has. To do something, outside myself. ‘Cause I’ve gotten much more satisfaction for the things that I’ve done for which I was not paid.” – Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a true leader

Most entrepreneurs and business owners fail terribly a leading. No one tells you when you start your business, that you will someday have to manage an entire team. At the time, you are too busy trying to not go broke. It’s probably a good thing that most entrepreneurs can’t see past the week they’re living in, we would have a nervous breakdown.

Over my 11 years at 8THIRTYFOUR, I’ve stumbled upon the following lessons (and I mean stumbled).

1. You are in the spotlight. Whether you like it or not, everyone is watching what you do. Your employees, community, clients, partners, family, dog…you name it; your every action and decision is under the microscope. Self-awareness is key, especially after you make a bad decision.
2. Personal and professional is blurred. Most people spend more time with their co-workers than they do their own families, which means you will know a lot about each individual that reports to you. A good work environment, encourages team bonding and presents opportunities for employees/managers to get to know each other on a more personal level. The catch is, you will know WAY more than you want to about your employees. Safeguard that information and respect their privacy.
3. Not everyone is a winner. This may seem harsh, but when we started moving to EOS® (Entrepreneurial Operating System®), it took the emotion out of staff/employee decisions. You have to make the right decisions for the company and that means, right person/right position. Rip the bandaid off when it comes to low performers, if they are not a fit for your culture, then work with them to transition to a new job.
4. Everyone looks to you for the answer. You are going to get asked a lot of questions, some you know, most you don’t. Unfortunately for you, you’re the only one they can go to. Empower employees to make their own decisions, but also have designated times they can come to you with questions and solutions.
5. Leadership is lonely. I wrote a pretty emotional and raw blog about this awhile back, running a business is hard. You can’t delegate running the company to someone else, if a big problem hits – buck stops with you.

What leadership lessons would you share? I am always open to learning and adapting based on what I learn. Great leaders don’t happen overnight, they make a lot of mistakes on the way.

The worst bosses I ever had…were women. I know I am not alone, many share the same experiences. These experiences have driven me to be a better leader and to cultivate opportunities for my employees that I never had. As a business owner (regardless of my gender), I need to live by example.

When reflecting back on my worst bosses, I realized they did teach me valuable leadership lessons.

1. Be transparent. By being clear with expectations for each role in your company, your employees know what is expected of them. Share with them the vision and 1 year, 3 year and 10 year goals. Understanding they are a part of something bigger, drives them to contribute in a more strategic way.
2. Support professional growth. When an employee grows professionally, the company benefits. Provide opportunities for community engagement, leadership training and more. We work with our employees to develop a professional development plan that we support as a firm.
3. Be intentional with culture. You want employees to look forward to coming to work each day. We purposefully build team bonding into our schedule – whether it is Friday Sangria or a BBQ at my house to share an updated company strategy to working on a patio for the afternoon. Employees work hard, reward them with some flexibility and fun.
4. Lead by example. This is by far the most important. We have all had those bosses that tells us one thing and do another. While I am out of the office a lot, I make it a priority to attend our team meetings, bonding sessions and hit deadlines.

Use your past ‘bad boss’ situations to drive yourself to be a better leader. Sometimes our worst experiences can be our best education.