I’ve been running a business for around 13 years, if there is one thing I hate above all else it is the questions women are asked that no one would even think to ask a man.

First, let me define sexism for readers. Merriam-Webster defines it as:

• How do you balance work and life? Um…is that even a serious question? I run a business, no one has fucking work/life balance you twit.
• How old are your kids? This one is my favorite, I’m not even asked if I have kids, it is a given I would have them…because what woman doesn’t fulfill the role they are placed on this earth for? By the way, sarcasm is heavy in this blog. Read on if you dare.
• How is your little business doing? Oh really good, between keeping up on housework and making delicious meals for my husband, I have managed to run a business for 13 years that is fueled on the tears of interns.
• How does your husband deal with your schedule? I don’t know, I chain him to a bed and feed him periodically…seems to be fine when I see him.
• Do you only hire attractive females? Yep, all ugly trolls are stopped at the door and sent on their way.
• How does your husband feel about all the men you spend time with? What a great question! Well, I make sure any male that is within 10 feet of me is made aware that I am happily married, then I flash my ring in his face and only talk about what a wonderful man my husband is…I make sure to really drive that point home. I also review my schedule with my husband every Sunday so he knows who I’m meeting with and when, he then gives me permission to run my business.
• There is still time to have kids. I know, I know, this isn’t a question…it’s a statement…which should say it all.
• Who will take care of you in your old age? If that is your retirement plan, you are a moron. What kid wants to be strapped with their aging parents? I plan to have 100 dogs and they will probably eat me when I pass away. Too much? Ah well, thanks for asking.

I had to stop at eight or this blog was going to be a novel, maybe there will be part 2, depends on demand.

Before you get all defensive, I know these questions are not ill-intended but that in no way makes them excusable. 

Stop. Think. Then open mouth.

I’m really sick of answering these questions, I’m also sick of women being viewed as a weaker sex that somehow can’t share in the same accomplishments as a man. As women, we get defensive and begin listing all the things we do, manage and keep together to ensure everyone around us is taken care of…and we need to stop.

Listen up ladies, stop being so damn nice about sexism. Be sarcastic, forceful, abrasive, aggressive, forward (all the adjectives that are used against us) in your responses.

For example “Why don’t you have kids?”

My Answer: “My uterus was ripped out by scavenging bears, I’m lucky to be alive…thanks for bringing up that painful memory.”

See, easy peasy. Don’t let sexism win or be excused.

I had a great conversation this past week with good friend of mine, who is in an influential and important role in Grand Rapids. She was looking to amplify her brand, meaning raise her profile in the community. Although she is very involved in the community, which is a huge part of her job, not a lot of people realize her level of engagement or the breadth of that involvement. Why? Because if it didn’t happen on social media, then did it really happen at all?

I know this sounds utterly ridiculous and in some ways it absolutely is, however we now live in the digital age which affords us a lot of opportunities but also takes away anonymity. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

My advice to my friend on increasing her visibility within the community, was the following.

• Utilize social media to educate, inform and share your life. There are multiple ways to do so, which I’ll cover in the next few bullet points. Start with Facebook and Instagram, Twitter is a time suck and the network is losing the relevancy it once had.
• When you attend events, go to meetings or are giving a presentation; be sure to check-in on social media with an explanation of what you are doing. This broadcasts your involvement to the community and also allows those attending the same event to find you and network.
• Share photos of your adventures. If you are walking in downtown Grand Rapids, grabbing coffee, attending an event, grab a photo and share with your followers. This showcases you are out and about and involved. I realize this may seem silly, but how often do you check social media in a day? 12 times? 15 times? Too many to count?
• Post articles or blogs you have written or feel will educate on a certain issue that is important to you or relevant to your job. This will help position you as knowledgeable, informed and thoughtful.
• Take advantage of either Facebook or Instagram Stories. Have fun with it! Show a more personal side, take pictures with your dogs, put on those damn bunny or dog ears/nose, make a video, get your emoji game on…the possibilities are endless.

For this blog, I focused on social media as a tool to increase your visibility, there are so many ways to do so, but all roads lead back to social media when it comes down to communicating what you are up to.

Looking for more resources or articles on personal brand, check out the below blogs.

• Why you can’t afford to ignore personal branding
• The value in speaking
• Make your own opportunities
• Becoming the salesperson of you

Is gratitude lost in todays society, never to be found again? Am I jaded in thinking that younger professionals want things handed to them without first working for it? It would seem the self-worth of millennials is much higher than others perceive it to be. Is this anyone else’s experience?

I want to share a few pieces of advice for young professionals from an old 38 year old.

1. See a need and fill it. Don’t wait for your boss or work buddy to ask for help, offer. If they need something and you are able to help, then do it. Think of others before yourself. This doesn’t mean you become someones doormat, it means you make yourself irreplaceable. A well-rounded professional is self-aware and observant of those around them.
2. Say thanks. I don’t care if it is the minuscule thing, say thank you. A server takes you order, say thank you. You are praised by a colleague, boss or whomever – say thank you. Those two words are so powerful and should be the most used in your vocabulary.
3. Self-reflect. Recognize and acknowledge the opportunities that have been afforded to you. It is so hard as human beings to not take things for granted. Some of the worst bosses I ever had, taught me the most valuable professional lessons. Really reflect on where you are in your career, the culture you exist in and the other individuals around you. Being reflective and thoughtful can save you a lot of headaches in the future.
4. Learn by example. Who in your company or professional circle do you admire or wish to emulate? What has been their career path? Find out their story, the hard work they put in to get where they are and then learn from it.
5. Be patient. You will not know everything overnight and you are not going to be a leader by saying you are. That isn’t how it works, wouldn’t that be nice if it was? I have spent the last 10 years of my life growing 834 and I failed a lot and pretty spectacularly, if I do say so myself. Before 834 I had 2 great jobs and 2 really terrible jobs. I learned from both and better understood my capabilities and weaknesses.

What is most important for young professionals is perspective. Your first job out of college is your opportunity to prove yourself and work your ass off. You will not be handed anything, you will not be coddled and there will not be “safe places” where you can feel feelings.

Regardless of how great you think you are, it isn’t your opinion of yourself that matters. It is how other professionals and management see you and that, is completely up to you.

Hello everyone seeking a job, connection, friend, mentor, advice – stop bugging everyone. Make it happen yourself.

No one owes you anything. They certainly don’t owe you their time, an introduction or advice.  This past week, I have received numerous emails from individuals relocating to the area. Apparently they googled and I came up, lucky me.

This blog isn’t to discourage you from reaching out and connecting with business owners or leaders in the community, but it is to tell you to develop a better strategy.

If you are moving into a new city and need to find a job or build a network, here are a few tips:

1. Research organizations and groups to join. If you’re in marketing look at the American Marketing Association or the Public Relations Society of America. Google exists for a reason, so use it. Google “Networking events in Grand Rapids, MI” or “Professional associations in Grand Rapids, MI.” I just literally gave you the search terms, stop being lazy.
2. Use LinkedIn to connect to professionals in your new city. Are they involved in the orgs that you want to be involved with? If they are on the board of the association, then ask to sit on a committee or volunteer. Be useful, if you can offer value to another professional they will be willing to assist you.
3. Attend events. Go to local young professional or old professional gatherings. Join a hall and meet your neighbors, drinks help pave the way to great conversations.

These are just a few ideas, because you are capable of thinking of additional. Subscribe to the local business publications so you know who the major players are in town and get cracking.

Is it important to be seen? To network?

The answer is quite simply, yes. 834’s Lansing partner, Vanguard Public Affairs, and I are taking in the Michigan Policy Conference on Mackinac Island this year. This is my first year, his twelfth.

The entire island is full of conference attendees, politicians, media and more. Everywhere you go, you run into someone and connect.

With the digital world what it is, many people don’t see the need or importance of face-to-face interactions. The fact is, digital should always lead to in person. Interacting online is important but it should be used as a tool to create relationships.

Networking is key in doing the following:

1. Relationships. I am not referring to only business relationships or those you deem beneficial. By connecting and learning from others, you will benefit. Don’t expect business just by showing up. Actually listen and learn – in other words, don’t be out for yourself.
2. No choice. Listen, networking is inevitable, especially as a small business or PR professional. If you are unable to hold a conversation, you’re in the wrong business.
3. Career benefits. At some point you may want to change careers or bring on new clients. The larger your network, the better.

I’m thrilled to be here this week and the alcohol doesn’t hurt either.

Get involved.

I met with a potential client this past week and we started talking about networking, being a connector and building valuable relationships. I know I have talked about this in the past, but it is worth a repeat.

If you are in sales or own a business and are the sole business developer, you need to understand it is about relationships not landing work. If your focus is only on the money, you won’t be successful.

Also stop randomly emailing, calling and using LinkedIn to sell – it only pisses people off (see former blog).

You need to be visible, which requires creativity and creating your own opportunities. People will take meetings from people they have know or have heard of. If you want something, give something.

Here is how I did it.

• Years ago, I approached WGVU and asked them if they would be interested in a monthly segment on The WGVU Morning Show With Shelley Irwin. The segment would feature community events, non-profits and small businesses. I had met the host Shelley a few times and figured what the heck. 8 years later, Your Biz Your Town is still going strong and it gives me the ability to profile great companies – some that may need 834.
• Personal branding – read up on it here and why it is important.
• If I am asked to speak, I do it. Even if it isn’t the right audience, practice makes perfect.  My first speaking engagement was at a nursing home where I talked about the history of Grand Rapids.
• I started a blog to share experiences on running a business, things I know, don’t know and people I think are badass. By profiling other businesses I have the opportunity to share their story and introduce them to 834.

I share this with you, so you understand that to get something, you must give something. Always provide value and you will reap the benefits.

In the past few months I have been solicited multiple times through LinkedIn, email or phone. These individuals always have a great partnership opportunity for 834 and it is always mutually beneficial. Just today I got a job offer. Seriously?

Listen up, cold emailing/LinkedIn connecting or calling is NEVER going to work in your favor and it is time you learned a few things about sales.

• If you are connecting over social media, then engage with the person you are reaching out to. I accept anyone’s request to connect on LinkedIn, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean I now want to grab coffee and learn all about how YOU can help grow my business. If I don’t know you from Tom, Dick or Harry (and I don’t even know those guys) then what makes you think I am craving an awkward interaction with you at a local coffee shop? Study my profile, learn more about 834, read my posts and then figure out the best way to reach out.
• Know your audience. For fuck sake, if you reach out to me about printing services am I even the right contact? Did you go to my website and see if there is a creative director or designer on staff? If so, don’t you think it would make more sense to start there? Also, stop with the canned messages – “So glad we could connect. I am looking forward to learning more about your business.” No you’re not, you don’t actually give a shit.
• Mutually beneficial is really a thing, but you aren’t using it right. When I am targeting a potential client, I don’t send them a LinkedIn message and then pat myself on the back for a job well done. That is lazy, you are lazy. I figure out how to provide value to that company/person such as free publicity, a ticket to an upcoming event or I send a handwritten note that congratulates them on a recent accomplishment. Did you notice what is missing from my list? I didn’t ask them for anything, I gave instead.
• Network, network, network. If your company serves a certain industry, then attend events that attract those companies. Talk to people, hand out business cards and send them note that says: “Hey, it was great to meet you and learn about SOMETHING INTERESTING THEY SAID. Looking forward to connecting at the next event.” Did you notice what is missing from my list? I didn’t ask them to buy from me or to listen to my really shitty sales pitch.
• Get involved. Join a board, organization, volunteer…do something. Part of selling is building a network and constantly growing and cultivating it.

As Jeffrey Gitomer said, “If they like you, and they believe you, and they trust you, and they have confidence in you…then they MAY buy from you.”

Stop being lazy, your tactics are not working and never will. Put in the time and effort.

Oh, and stop trying to sell me life insurance, financial services or some dumb partnership opportunity. If you really want to win me over, then introduce me to someone who needs my services and buy me wine with plenty of ice.

As I got ready to attend my 3rd or 4th event this week, I thought – what the hell keeps me motivated to attend all of these business events?

Wine.

At the end of a long work day, one of the last things you want to do is go be cordial, charming and attentive at a business event. You can stop laughing now, (those that know me)…I can be charming. I know the value of it – connections, strengthening relationships, brand awareness, business development and community involvement…but it doesn’t make me any less tired. Who doesn’t want to throw on sweats, take off their make-up and Elmyra 4 dogs?

You wanna know what I do love at the end of the day? Wine, filled to the brim with ice. That is what pushes me over the hurdle at 5:00 p.m. to keep going, knowing that my reward is ice-cold red wine.

I am not afraid to admit that my motivation is wine, for a lot of things:

1. Award events
2. Luncheons
3. Breakfast seminars
4. In-law gatherings
5. Family reunions
6. Breakfast
7. Board meetings
8. Staff meetings
9. Client meetings
10. Date night

I jest, or do I? Who cares what your motivation is, get out there and network – drunk or sober. Also, just try red wine with ice in it…don’t mock it until you throw some ice cubes in.

I wanted to start this blog out with “The problem with young-ins nowadays is…” but then I thought better of it.

When I was just beginning my career I had no idea what I was doing, like all fresh college grads I never put much thought into building a network or volunteering in the community. Looking back now, it is obvious how important community is to success. Not to mention, don’t be a dick…if you are working in the community and expect people to hire you then you have to invest and give back.

We have a very young staff at 834 and part of their job is to get involved. We ask that each employee choose a professional association and a nonprofit to participate in. This could be the American Marketing Association, Public Relations Society of America or another industry specific group. It could include a business association, neighborhood association, local shelter…really sky is the limit, we just ask that you find what you are passionate about and become involved.

There seems to be an issue nowadays with younger professionals not seeing the benefit or not being willing to give of their time.

**Correction to this original post: I should not lump all young professionals together. This blog could rightfully apply to any professional. 

A few reminders on why the community factor is so important.

1. A network. Connecting and knowing those that are in the same industry, similar career path and have the same aspirations and challenges as you do can be incredibly valuable. Having a support system you can turn to when facing questions within your career or to use as a reference is a great benefit to all professionals.
2. Opportunities. You never know what opportunities might present themselves. It could be a new job, conference, continued education, expanded network…the list goes on. When I served on the board of the American Marketing Association of West Michigan I was able to go to Chicago, on the association’s dime, to meet other marketers and learn how to better serve our members. It was an awesome learning experience.
3. Thought leader. Giving of your time, talent and money, pays off in big ways. I sat on multiple marketing committees, boards, volunteered at events, emceed races – you name it, I did it. As my reputation grew in the community and I was asked to present to different groups and was invited in to chat with companies about 834 and the services we provide.
4. Enjoyment. I found so much joy in hanging out with other professionals and going to networking events and continuing the conversations long after the affair ended. The individuals I met early on in my career are still part of my professional network and many have become close friends.

Building your career and becoming a contributing member of society, requires unselfishness and commitment. If you want to build a kickass network and uncover opportunities, then you have to give of your time and talent. It takes time, I have been doing this for over 10 years and I am still just scratching the surface.

Good things come to those that keep at it, not expect instant gratification.

In the last week it occurred to me what a terrible job professionals do marketing themselves. Developing your personal brand and communicating your value proposition is key to success. Everything we do is tied back to sales, whether it is convincing your signifiant other to go to a steakhouse vs. an Italian restaurant or convincing your boss that you are worth a raise.

Don’t just take my word for it, here is what people much smarter than me have to say:

If you want to build a relationship, if you want to get referrals, you have to become known…

– Jeffrey Gitomer

Big companies understand the importance of brands. Today, in the Age of the Individual, you have to be your own brand.

– Tom Peters, Fast Company

Here is the deal, if you want to grow your client base and sales, you have to be a known expert source, be top of mind and to do that you have to be visible and it can’t be about you.

So how the hell do you do that? Lucky for you, I compiled the below suggestions.

1. Blog. Whether you start your own personal blog, write for your business’ blog or write for a local publication, you need to make your voice heard and it should be often. This gives you visibility within your industry and positions you as a resource. The content you share must be relevant and address or solve a problem within your industry.
2. Network. Get out and get out often. No one ever made a name for themselves sitting on their ass and hiding behind a computer. Look at professional organizations, networking groups, nonprofits in need of volunteers and GO. If you are terrified of networking, you probably should consider a change in career. Read Liz Lynch’s Smart Networking, you can thank me later.
3. Speak. When I started out in my professional career, it wasn’t like I was in high demand…in fact, no one wanted me. So where was my very first speaking engagement? A local assisted living center, I went in and chatted with the residents and gave a formal presentation , powerpoint and all. I then stayed around and spent time answering their questions and further explaining the world of marketing to them. The fact is, it doesn’t matter where you go to speak but do it and do it often. Eventually you will land those very desirable opportunities but treat every engagement as if it is the most important thing you have to do. And to the gentleman who fell asleep and was snoring through my presentation…I salute you.
4. Social. Your networking, speaking and writing game may be strong but if you aren’t actively engaged in social media, then how are you promoting yourself? Every time you go some place, check in via Facebook, send a few tweets about the event (obviously tag the host or company), snap some photos and share over Instagram and be sure to use the event hashtag through all mediums.
5. Give. Give of your time, talent and money. If you want the community and business community to embrace you and hire you, then you need to give back. Join a nonprofit board (and not as a resume builder), but to really lend your talents, take on a pro bono project, become a mentor and support causes in the community. I am telling you, being a good person really does pay off.
6. Say yes. You read all of these articles about the power of ‘no’ but I am hear to tell you there is much more value in ‘yes’. When you are just starting out building your network, then you need to say yes to EVERYTHING. Eventually you will have the luxury to be more strategic with where you put your time and talent, but in the beginning you have to give, give, give. When I started out, I joined every board, committee and volunteer opportunity that would ask me.
7. Time. You have to work, not werk. You are always on, always. That means when you are working to build a network it takes time. You need to continue to educate yourself on the community, industry and spend time writing, networking, facebooking, tweeting, instagramming…you get the idea. Quite frankly,  you get to sleep – otherwise you better be working.

Owning a small business is hard work, being a professional in a competitive industry is tough…but it isn’t impossible. Become the chief salesperson of you. Follow these tips consistently for 6 months and you will see results. Would I lie to you?