I’m sure I have written on this before, but I don’t care. It’s my blog and I’ll write if I want to.

My firm of 10 years just moved into a new office space, launched a new logo and is undergoing a restructure as it relates to how we operate. It is scary as shit.

Is it like this with all business owners? You only see what you are doing wrong? You can’t seen your way through to the other side?

I carry this baggage around with me and it is exhausting. I’m working through it, I’m not an idiot – I know it isn’t healthy. If you are a business owner and happen to be one of the 33 people that subscribe, then listen up:

1. You are stronger than you think you are. Life keeps throwing curveballs and you adapt.
2. Failure is part of your story. Unfortunately, your stage is much bigger and you have an audience. Show them the grace in which you handle adversity. You got this.
3. You are not unique. There are others out there with your same issues, struggles and worries. Maybe this gives you little comfort, but it sure as hell makes me feel like I’m not alone.
4. Respect yourself. Be nice to you. It’s ok to have a bad day, but get your ass up and fix it the next day.

If you need more reassurance, you can bribe me with wine.

I made the decision to go see a business coach/counselor/therapist – whatever you want to call it….and it was the best. Granted, I’ve gone once but I’m clearly already cured. Jokes aside, I’ve written plenty of times about feeling alone as a business owner.

It took a swift kick in the ass by my managing director to go to the appointment. I mean, I could keep whining on my blog or I could do something about it. Trust me, I seriously considered the first option.

Here is what I want you to remember:

• Ask for help. Whether it is your leadership team, your mom, your dog – it doesn’t matter. Just ask.
• It’s ok to go talk to someone. It’s even better if they are a trained professional.
• Listen to them. If they tell you to get a hobby – then maybe try cooking, reading or wine. If they tell you to get a personal assistant – then do it.

Also apply here.

Let me repeat, it is ok to ask for help.

Is gratitude lost in todays society, never to be found again? Am I jaded in thinking that younger professionals want things handed to them without first working for it? It would seem the self-worth of millennials is much higher than others perceive it to be. Is this anyone else’s experience?

I want to share a few pieces of advice for young professionals from an old 38 year old.

1. See a need and fill it. Don’t wait for your boss or work buddy to ask for help, offer. If they need something and you are able to help, then do it. Think of others before yourself. This doesn’t mean you become someones doormat, it means you make yourself irreplaceable. A well-rounded professional is self-aware and observant of those around them.
2. Say thanks. I don’t care if it is the minuscule thing, say thank you. A server takes you order, say thank you. You are praised by a colleague, boss or whomever – say thank you. Those two words are so powerful and should be the most used in your vocabulary.
3. Self-reflect. Recognize and acknowledge the opportunities that have been afforded to you. It is so hard as human beings to not take things for granted. Some of the worst bosses I ever had, taught me the most valuable professional lessons. Really reflect on where you are in your career, the culture you exist in and the other individuals around you. Being reflective and thoughtful can save you a lot of headaches in the future.
4. Learn by example. Who in your company or professional circle do you admire or wish to emulate? What has been their career path? Find out their story, the hard work they put in to get where they are and then learn from it.
5. Be patient. You will not know everything overnight and you are not going to be a leader by saying you are. That isn’t how it works, wouldn’t that be nice if it was? I have spent the last 10 years of my life growing 834 and I failed a lot and pretty spectacularly, if I do say so myself. Before 834 I had 2 great jobs and 2 really terrible jobs. I learned from both and better understood my capabilities and weaknesses.

What is most important for young professionals is perspective. Your first job out of college is your opportunity to prove yourself and work your ass off. You will not be handed anything, you will not be coddled and there will not be “safe places” where you can feel feelings.

Regardless of how great you think you are, it isn’t your opinion of yourself that matters. It is how other professionals and management see you and that, is completely up to you.

Behind closed doors and in private we are constantly thinking, worrying, fretting and planning. This is what business owners don’t tell you:

1. The termination of an employee is not a shotgun decision and is never a surprise to the employee. We have constant conversations, write up plans for improvement, give warnings, give feedback, set milestones, discuss alternatives, endure (in some cases) disrespect and more, then we make the much dreaded decision. This is a burden the business owner bears alone and will never violate the privacy of that employee by sharing those conversations or plans with other staff.
2. We take everything personal. We try so hard not to, but it is impossible. We have built and cultivated our companies for years and it is intertwined with our personal life, in fact there is no separation. When an employee is unhappy, we take it personally. When a client is frustrated, we take it personally. The list goes on. The buck stops with us, the business owner.
3. We have sacrificed everything. If you think running a business is easy, by all means start one. There is no handbook, we are all just feeling our way along and hoping we don’t mess things up too horribly. When we hire that first employee we are taking a paycheck away from ourselves – chances are we weren’t even paying ourselves in the first place. When we make the decision to offer benefits we know it will be a large expense but we want our employees to feel valued.
4. 941 payments are painful. Can I get an “amen”? I mean every time we review our 941s, we die a little inside. Why does the government take so much? Don’t they understand we are barely scraping by as it is.
5. We are alone. We took this on ourselves and we might have a great support system of friends and family but no one will ever truly understand the crushing loneliness that overwhelms us at 8:00 p.m. at night or 3:00 a.m. in the morning. We know it is up to us to make the best decisions for our business, our employees, our customers and always last, ourselves.

We don’t tell you this so you feel sorry for us, we tell you this so maybe you will understand the stress written across our face or the lack of patience sometimes. Please don’t take it personally, that is our job.

Negotiation is a part of every aspect of our life. In your personal life it could be trying to get your spouse to do a chore or run an errand. In your professional life it might involve a raise, increase in a client’s budget or a lease on new office space.

Negotiation is a bit like conflict resolution, it makes people uncomfortable. Asking for more money or a concession is not easy, what it is…is necessary and part of life.

So…how do you become a better negotiator? Here are a few tips from me and Harvard Business Review (HBR), we’ll see if you can tell the difference.

1. Use humor. Not everything in life has to be so damn serious. The first thing I do when entering an awkward conversation is admit it is awkward. This usually sets people at ease and opens the floor for an honest discussion.
2. Change the setting. Go grab a beer and review that contract. Taking someone out of their everyday setting can lighten the mood and loosen everyone up. I mean, a cocktail or two helps lessen the tension.
3. Smartness or as they say IQ. According to Harvard Business Review, people with higher IQs tend to approach negotiations in a more cooperative or collaborative way. They also have some really witty, intelligent responses. Some people are just good on their feet. For those of us that are not, refer to #1.
4. Self-awareness. HBR has this to say about those of us that are self reflective – we all have mental models to interpret other people’s behaviors, and awareness of these models is key to influencing how people think of us. What this also means is narcissistic individuals are at a disadvantage, as they have no ability to see past themselves.

The deal is you get the ability to choose how you approach the convo, what you say and ultimately how you react.

What tips do you have for negotiation?

Hello everyone seeking a job, connection, friend, mentor, advice – stop bugging everyone. Make it happen yourself.

No one owes you anything. They certainly don’t owe you their time, an introduction or advice.  This past week, I have received numerous emails from individuals relocating to the area. Apparently they googled and I came up, lucky me.

This blog isn’t to discourage you from reaching out and connecting with business owners or leaders in the community, but it is to tell you to develop a better strategy.

If you are moving into a new city and need to find a job or build a network, here are a few tips:

1. Research organizations and groups to join. If you’re in marketing look at the American Marketing Association or the Public Relations Society of America. Google exists for a reason, so use it. Google “Networking events in Grand Rapids, MI” or “Professional associations in Grand Rapids, MI.” I just literally gave you the search terms, stop being lazy.
2. Use LinkedIn to connect to professionals in your new city. Are they involved in the orgs that you want to be involved with? If they are on the board of the association, then ask to sit on a committee or volunteer. Be useful, if you can offer value to another professional they will be willing to assist you.
3. Attend events. Go to local young professional or old professional gatherings. Join a hall and meet your neighbors, drinks help pave the way to great conversations.

These are just a few ideas, because you are capable of thinking of additional. Subscribe to the local business publications so you know who the major players are in town and get cracking.

As women we are programmed to be apologetic.

“Sorry i’m late.”

“Sorry this seat is taken.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

Can we just knock it off already? Manners are one thing, but apologizing for no reason can actually hurt you. What kind of message are you sending? It sure as hell isn’t confidence.

There is a great article by Fast Company that talks about the right times to apologize and spoiler….it doesn’t include any of the below:

1. Sharing your point of view. If you are in a meeting and speak up, don’t apologize for it! Say what you have to say, illustrate how damn smart you are and then sit down. Do you think Bob is going to apologize for interrupting you to show how smart he is? No.
2. When you are short on time or long on time. If you have a presentation and it is going long, inform the group that you will wrap up in 2 minutes or however long. Also don’t be that person that drones on and on and on. I’m also going to assume your PowerPoint slides are engaging and not 15 bullet points each.
3. Delivering bad news. Sometimes you have to sit down with an employee, colleague or client and share or discuss a difficult issue. Apologizing will only undermine what you are about to say. Have the tough conversation and move on. Starting out with “sorry” only makes you look unsure.

There are situations that will warrant an apology, like running over your neighbors cat. However when it is work-related, think twice before offering up an apology.

What do you think?

Everyone wants to be a leader, until you are and then you most definitely don’t. There are a lot of misconceptions on leadership, like you will have minions to do everything for you. Listen, this isn’t the Devil Wears Prada and employees sure as hell won’t stick around if you treat them that way. They are not there to get you coffee, hang your coat, drop off dry cleaning or pick up your lunch.

Promotions are great and all, but do you really know what you are in for? Management will not make your life easier, in fact it will make your life much, much harder. You won’t only be responsible for your own work, but now you have people that report to you that need your direction. Everything that comes out of your department/division is your responsibility. The buck stops with you. Mistakes – your fault

A colleague gave me this analogy – being a leader is climbing up the ladder of responsibility and pulling up those that report to you. Your work load just doubled. It is not easy and it is a constant learning curve.

Failure is part of leadership, along with hard work. You have to give your employees the tools to succeed and empower them to make decisions and mistakes. How will they learn if you are always doing for them?

What do you think?

Quitters never prosper. Don’t be a quitter.

We’ve all heard it before, but when is it time to throw in the towel?

As a small business owner, when do you know that you have done enough? When do you determine it is time to part ways with a client,  difficult colleague, or an employee? We make these decisions more often in our personal lives than we do in our professional world. Why is that?

Small business owners are very solution-focused, we have to be. You can’t cut and run at the first sign of an issue, we think things to death until we develop a plan to move forward. Just ask our significant others, they love this about us.

I am here to tell you – sometimes shit just isn’t going to work and it is ok to quit. I feel like there is a reason shit rhymes with quit. Maybe they are meant to go hand-in-hand.

You will know in your gut the decision you need to make. Here are a few reminders on why quitting is important.

1. Your health is affected. Sleep is f**ked up. If you are tossing and turning all night long and having dreams about whatever the situation is, it is affecting your health. Apparently sleep is necessary – who knew? Is your Anxiety off the charts? Constant burning in your stomach? Headaches? Pressure on your chest? Let’s just say I have been there and it doesn’t go away by ignoring the situation. If anything it gets worse over time.
2. You’re miserable. Do you dread interaction with this individual? Does your stomach do a flip just thinking about it? Why keep that in your life? What good is that doing you or anyone else?
3. The wrong reasons. Are you trying to make the relationship work for the wrong reasons? Many of us will keep at it because we don’t want to be labeled a quitter. If you are having a hard time defending or finding reason, then it is a sure sign it is time to move on.
4. Priorities or vision has changed. If you have a client that doesn’t fit where you are headed as a company, then it is time to part ways. Don’t drag it out, rip off the band-aid.
5. The future is uncertain. Can you honestly see the relationship going anywhere? Plenty of relationships run their course over time, such as college or high school friends. Why should this be any different?

It’s cool to be a quitter. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, small business owners will never be known for taking the easy way out.

When do you put the phone away for the night? When do you close your laptop?

Boundaries is something a small business owner will never have. We don’t shut it off, we don’t put it down and we sure as hell never stop thinking about.

BUT…this is should not the case for your employees and it is a lesson I learned in the last few years. I wasn’t keeping them at the office til 9:00 p.m. at night or demanding they work on weekends…but I was sending them emails, assigning things through our project management system and sometimes g-chatting them at all hours of the night.

The sad thing is, I had no idea it was affecting them and stressing them out. They felt they needed to respond immediately to my emails or take care of whatever item was mentioned. I had no idea they felt this way.  Thankfully, I had an employee speak up on behalf of other team members and I made changes in my communication.

For me, this meant drafting emails and then sending Monday morning instead of Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. I try to be much more deliberate in the way I word communication, as it can be interpreted as a bit too aggressive or blunt. Hard to imagine, am I right?

When you move from being just a business of one, the focus changes. Change isn’t easy for business owners, but it is necessary for growth.